boyfriend or rave?

[MissZiggy]

So I get home from Spooky (and a few hours early I might add) and my boyfriend is upset, as always. We start talking and he tells me he can't handle it anymore and if I go to another rave he'll break up with me. I asked him if it would be ok if I just go sober and he still said no.
I've been with him for almost 3 years now and I've never asked him to stop doing anything he loves. I don't want to stop going cause I have so much fun, but I don't want to hurt him and I still want to be with him.
I don't know if anyonoe will have advice or anything, but has anyone gone through this kind of thing before? And, if so, what did you do?

[Akeel]

why doesnt he go with you?

[cerah]

Well what are his main reasons? Does he just hate the music... the lifestyle... is he scared you'll fool around with some guy there? I think there might be some underlying issues here.

[Taddy_Bare]

That's a crappy situation for him to put you in :(

You'll have to decide which is worth giving up. On one hand, is going to raves worth losing a relationship over? On the other hand, you've never put him in a situation like so but what's to say that he won't put you in the same situation sometime down the road, maybe then it'll be something much more serious than raves. :S Maybe he just doesn't like you hanging out with dirty ravers. Sounds like you'll need to do a bit of soul searching. Good luck. :)

[Tux]

personally i would choose to rave.. but thats just me. nobody should be able control your life and tell you what you can/cannot do (unless your a kid and its your parents, or you want to murder someone then you should listen to the law or something like that) and if you wanna rave.. then do it and explain it to him like you did above and if he loves you, your bf will understand. or you can just not tell him and go.. that could possibly work.

[MissZiggy]

^^That's exactly it. He doesn't want me hanging out with ravers. He doesn't like the drugs and the music. He's never even gone to one either and he already hates them.
I almost want to tell him to go fuck himself...but SHIT!!! I don't want to lose my bf!! FUCKFUCKFUCK

Just going and not telling him would work....if we didn't live together.

[Akeel]

do whichever is more important to u

[cityqueen]

I agree with Tux. Nobody should tell you what you can and can't do. I say RAVE ON and get your boyfriend to enjoy the scene too!

[cerah]

I think you need to sit down and have a BIG ass talk with him. Parties and the people you've met through them are obviously a big part of your life. Instead of just seeing it all as drugs and random raver fucks as people are wont to do you should try and make him see the individual people in the rave scene. The people you've come to know as friends. Why should a person you meet at a rave while you werre high be any different from a person you met at a bar/club when you were drunk?

I really think you should take him to a party. He should have first hand experrience before he labels and judges and just goes with what the media and joe blow say about parties. Ask him to just come with you for an hour or so and that you'll pay for his ticket. Don't do drugs and just chill at a party and introduce him to some of the people you know. I'm sure once he gets to see them as people and not drug addicted rav0rs he'll lighten up.

He's more likely than not just concerned for you and scared about all the drugs and shit that can happen at a party.

[Chet]

explain to him that that is would be like you saying that he can't go hang out with his friends anymore
because you think they are a bad influence
he should then realise either a) how dumb that sounds
or b) how insecure he is being or even c) that he needs to trust you more

[frogprincess]

i personally wood pick rave

[MissZiggy]

See, the thing is there is no way that he is ever going to go to a rave. I've tried, my friends have tried, even his cousin has tried. He has such an opinion about them and he's never been to one. He's exteremly stubborn.
But thanks for the advice guys :kimmie:

[brokencrayon]

Originally posted by cerah
I think you need to sit down and have a BIG ass talk with him. Parties and the people you've met through them are obviously a big part of your life. Instead of just seeing it all as drugs and random raver fucks as people are wont to do you should try and make him see the individual people in the rave scene. The people you've come to know as friends. Why should a person you meet at a rave while you werre high be any different from a person you met at a bar/club when you were drunk?

I really think you should take him to a party. He should have first hand experrience before he labels and judges and just goes with what the media and joe blow say about parties. Ask him to just come with you for an hour or so and that you'll pay for his ticket. Don't do drugs and just chill at a party and introduce him to some of the people you know. I'm sure once he gets to see them as people and not drug addicted rav0rs he'll lighten up.

He's more likely than not just concerned for you and scared about all the drugs and shit that can happen at a party.

YES! do this... and if he refuses to go to a rave or he still insists that the rave scene is bad for u .. then maybe he isn't being open minded enough and it's time to re-think the relationship anyway ... like taddy_bare said.. he could do this again later on down the road with something much more serious. if he really cares about ur hapiness and well being he will either go with u to check it out or lighten up and trust u more. and i think its a better idea not to lie to him and go anyway . relationships need trust, isnt that why ur upset with him right now. communication is the key here .u gotta tell him exactly wat ur telling us: ur feelings! good luck hun, i hope everything works out.

[crackdragon]

Sounds to me like he just doesnt trust you and hes using the fact that he doesnt like the music or the people as a cop out so he doesnt have to fess up to what really bothering him. Does he have the same prob when you go to clubs with friends to see a dj spin?? If you havent gone to a club to see a dj before then maybe you should see if you can drag him along to that. If he still refuses to go then *shrugs*. Is he just the controlling type and wants you to conform to what he likes and thinks you should do? If so... hes got issues and it sounds like hes not into having a healthy relationship anyways.
I was in a similar situation, and I chose to not got to the raves, cause it was just easier not dealing with the stress of geting bitched at for a month after words. It's your life to live even if your ina relationship and if he cant love and support you with you being the way you are then its time to move on and find someone that can blah blah blah mushy crap...
so yeah, good luck with that

[stringbeans]

if hes willing to part with you for such a stupid reason then do you really want to still be with him? what if you get a job working somewhere you really like and he says again that if you dont quit hes going to leave? i say dump his ass and kick him in the groin on the way out

[~*faeryfly*~]

You need to do things in life that make YOU the happiest, & live for you. He should respect that this lifestyle is a big part of your life. If he loves you so much after three yrs..then he totally should give going to a lil party w/ you a try! If hes so into you, then he should be into your main interests in life, & the things that make you the happiest, regardless of whether or not he truly despises it.. I've been in your situation before!! Do what makes you happy! You cant change who you truly are for someone else, even if you love them the most in the world. trust me... :soak:

[agent.starling]

a little irrational, wouldnt you say? ulimatums are not usually a positive featuere to present to the person that you care about. you should communicate together and maybe discuss options, or why it is that he feels this way.

on the other hand, maybe you should just give your man a few days for the effects of emotion to wear off, and then try to discuss on a more rational level. sounds as though you and your boyfriend have a discrepancy in lifestyles, figure out something that makes you both happy and secure in the relationship, otherwise you are working towards disaster.

-la.

[Prissypants]

Holy moly this is the EXACT situation I am in. I live with my current gf and she used to be a raver but now she barely ever goes. I go by myself now only because she always cops a shitty "This is so boring/I'm so cool/I am not having fun" attitude while at parties so I just don't invite her anymore. There is always drama when I get back from a party...(Quadruple that drama if god forbid I decided to pop) and I seriously don't like it. I am a pretty chill guy and just tell her...look girl, I go to dance and meet new people and dancing is one of the few things in my life that makes me truly happy and now you want to control that.

It usually ends with me just saying: "Look little girl, I stopped living with my parents 10 years ago and about 5 years ago I swore that I would never EVER let someone tell me what I can and cannot do. If you want someone you can boss around then you had better be looking for someone else. I care about you but don't EVER tell me what I can and can't do, especially if it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you!" This whole situation really rubs my rhubarb the wrong way!!!!

Stand up for yourself girl and just tell him that this is a part of you life and if he cared about YOU then he wouldn't be messing in aspects of your life that do not concern him.

In every good relationship there must also be personal space and freedom.

[Tease]

WOW. I had this same problem when I was 15!

[decypher]

he's stupid for saying that to you... thinking he has the power to stop u from doing something u love by threatening to break up with u.. what a powertrip... if u said ur not going to do drugs when u go, there is no real argument for him ... i can understand if ur getting all fucked up and he doesen't want to see that, but he just doesen't want u to go because he doesen't like the music or the people? too bad for him, he needs to grow up...

[Discord]

Doesn't sound like a healthy reltionship.

My old boyfriend use to sit up all nigth worring about someone slipping somthing into my drink and raping me or something.

so he's never ask to me to stop going, he's just stay awake, until around 8 am, then phone me ASAP and start with the

"are you ok? did any thing bad happen... i was so worried." i'd say na, i'm fine, then he's start witht he "did ya have fun? OHH BTW I HATE RAVERS." nu mental goth boy... didn't work out



I don't kno what advise to give you.... maybe ask him if you cut down on maybe one every few months? no so many parties?
because raves are pretty crappy things to lose a long term boyfriend over

[MissBehavior]

Originally posted by Tease
WOW. I had this same problem when I was 15!

Just out of curiosity, do you EVER have anything positive to say, or do you just feel the need to be a heinous bitch all the time?

[Kandyapple]

^yah I was kind of wondering myself what the hell that comment was supposed to mean. The girl isn’t 15 so are you insinuating that she should already know how to deal with this sort of situation by this point in her life. And that you are so much more mature then her? I don't know what the intent of that comment was, but that’s the impression I got.
I don't think it matters how old you are. If your heart is on the line it can be a very hard decision to make. After three years I don't think it would be easy to just say screw that! if you want me to change myself. Yah maybe I would know that a talk was needed. But I think it still is very reassuring to have positive feed back from other people when you face a situation like this.

Anyway yah from my experience I would say yes talk this out find out the issues behind this request. I find it a very extreme thing to ask someone you care about to do. Knowing that it is something they enjoy. Ok, if you are getting addicted to drugs or he is worried that you are meeting other guys or just people in general that are a bad influence then he should address the individual problem.
If he cannot give you a decent reason then perhaps he has to deal with some of his own insecurities. I had a bf that tried to say that he didn’t like me seeing some of my friends because he thought they were turning me into a partier. But deep down it was just that he was worried that I would not spend time with him anymore because I would find someone better. He wanted me safe with him in his little locked room every weekend. So you have to ask yourself are his concerns valid? Or is he playing out some of his own issues. Perhaps its not a good relationship to stay in if he is dealing with his worries in an inappropriate manner by trying to control you. But I suggest that you talk it out first and see what the outcome is. I know how hard it is to be with someone you have cared about for so long and it can cloud your best judgement of the situation. But no relationship can be healthy without both people taking care of themselves. He needs to deal with his problems around you raving. And you need to be able to go out and do things that make you happy. Because then it will be the other way around you at home sad just to make him happy and more comfortable and you need to have balance. So yah communicate and try and find a middle ground. If that isn’t possible well then you need to make a decision in your best interest.
Hope that helps . Good luck. :c-tard:

[junglequeen]

boo - i hate when people put you inbetween a rock and a hard place
you need to prioritize what is most important to you
then try to empathize with him - he seems important to you so its worth the effort

[PokemonMasta]

Rave obviously!