|
|||||||
| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Topic Tools | Rate Topic |
Oct 12, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
~family vs boyfriend~
whos the winner in this one? what do you do when your family doesn't really get along or disapproves with your boyfriend? when your mom is like whatever and keeps silent about the whole thing and when all your dad wants is for you to concentrate on school and not have any fun and shiet and your bro just dislikes him for no reason at all.......? it's so hard for me because i don't want to hurt anyone in this situation. i love my family and my bf is really important to me too but i want to do what i want to do. this whole this is bumming me down like majorly....... :(
|
|
Oct 12, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
Tell your family to fucking grow up and stop second-guessing your judgement!
My mom has a rule: "If he's good enough for Natalie, he's good enough for me!" And it's true. If they're second-guessing your judgement without due cause, they need to GROW THE FUCK UP and have a little respect for you and your maturity!
|
|
Oct 12, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
i agree with natalie here! tell ur family that they shouldn't judge him by what they know, cuz you obviously know alot more then about him then they do! at least they aren't trying to make u stop dating him.. [well..not diretly trying anywayz..]
and if they say they're worried he might hurt u.. or turn out not how u thought or something along those lines then be like, well everyone has to learn somewhere.. it's inevitable i'm gonna get hurt in my life.. the least u guys can do is be there for me if it happens.. meh.. i kinda had to deal with that.. my dad didn't like my last bf.. but mostly just because of his age [he's just turned 18 now.. i'm 16 in a month..] and because he drives and because he's basically just protective cuz i'm his daughter.. and the only one living at home now as well.. but he never did much.. my mom never said anything.. she's always disapproved of me dating but meh.. they know they can't stop me.. but what helped was my dad even told me that it didn't matter if he didn't like him as much, as long as he treated me good.. then everything was fine.. i didn't get shit from siblings tho.. my sis loved him! heh.. but just try talking to you parents.. tell them that you have good judgement of ppl and that you chose him.. and tell them he treats u right.. let them try and see the good side of him.. maybe they'll warm up a lil.. but your dad and brother.. prolly won't ever be too comfortable with him..cuz they're just protective.. just make sure it stays under control and all.. and goodl uck.. =]
|
|
Oct 12, 01
|
||||
|
||||
|
what r ur guys thoughts on how the bf should react? should he just "let things slide"? or bring it up? or abide by the parent's/brothers wishes?
-adam
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
good point adam..
i think the bf should do what he feels is right.. if he feels that because of all the problems with his girls family that maybe they should put things on hold then that's his choice. although it's usually to be expected that a girls parents/brothers would be a lil protective.. but sometimes it's too much. but i think really, that's up to the guy to decide.. and he should just talk with his girl about it.. and then make a decision whether he thinks it would be best to still see her or what.. and just talk wi th her about it.. but i also don't think that the parents should be able to control everything. i mean if the two ppl are love, it s houldn't be something like that pulling them apart. i mean if they love each other, what good would tearing them apart do? all it would do is hurt them both.. and if it's not to serious with the rents then it shouldn't matter...
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
welly welly welly well...
on one hand no one can dictate your life, blah blah blah... on the other hand, consider that this *is* your family. and they are a major part of you... especially your brother. he was raised (i assume) by the same people with the same values, and porbably (i assume) doesn't want to spend every christmas with a guy he doesn't like. also, you are still young, and there are many boys out there, so make sure this guy is worth losing a bit of your relationship with your family over... i don't know many 16/17 year old guys that are. can pick yo' boys put you cant pick yo' family. just another side to the coin, i honestly don't know enough about anything to give an actual opinion. r.
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
i believe i'm going against the norm on this one....family blows......i do what feels right.
I hate being in that position though, when it comes down to family vs the boyfriend, in the past i've simply vacated, I know people can be very close to their family's, and those are forever, boyfriends are generally not. Although my own viewpoint is different. drummer:188:
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
if they want to be somewhat more mature then her parents they should probably talk about it.... or they're just sneaking around.... parents are soo stuburn sometimes........ and for the brother.....he should just stay out of it! *thats my 2 cents* ~*Dalyn*~
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
well my brother doesn't really care right now anymore, he'll just be really protective of course cuz it's the big bro thingy.....just that if i get hurt then my brother would get into it......
my parents are the typical chinese parents....all they want me to do is study and that's it....can't go out or have a bf or anything like that.....no freedom..... i know that there is many guys out there but i can't stop seeing who I want to see just because my rents aren't cool with it......I want to do what I want to do...... as for the bf, i think that he should bring it up with me if it's a really big problem thats affecting the relationship.......i would like the bf to be honest with me.........
|
|
Oct 13, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
I feel for you:
1st off : I assume your the typical chinese raised girl. So your parents are acting normal. Mom is usually somewhat supportive, but very unvocal. As for your dad, well your dad is just being your dad. Every Chinese day always rags on school. Think if they didn't push you so much, where'd u could be in the future. As for your bro, that I don't really know. I personally would probaly be the same, cuz well brothers are supposed to be protective of there sisters. You CANNOT ignore family, because they will always be there for you. 2nd : Your young, bfs will come and go. Your bf should be supportive through this tough time. He shouldn't get mad or hurry you because family is important. If he doesn't agree with you then family is not very important to him. And someone who doesnt care about family is someone you should watch out for. 3rd: Explaing to your family is something that should be done, but its easier said than done. :172: Final Opionion : Balace is the key. Concentrating on school is very important. Your parents will always push for that. As for you bf. He should be very supportive. No negative should come out of his mouth, because family is important. In time your parents/family will accept him. :035:
|
|
Oct 14, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hmmm
Well I have been there! I know what this situation is like and the best thing is to NOT freak out on your family for judging him. Especially because you're attracted to him, and you see some special quality within that makes him special. What you need to do is try (one last time with your family) and point out the special qualitity or qualities he has. Maybe your family has overlooked such things, you never know. Just don't get angry with your family because they are the BEST judges of character (even though you're the one dating him!) just because when you're dating someone you're almost "blinded" and you see all these good things in him...cuz you're dating him & ya like him. However since your whole family isn't dating him, they can see all angles of the guy. Trust me, my dad STILL doesn't want me to date ANYONE! He doesn't even think about me & my boyfriend because I live on my own, and my dad "doesn't want to know." :Kimmie: Which is quite funny to me, but anyways. You'll get through this....don't worry! To you (or any gurl) when you start dating a guy...all you see is all the good shit in him...however slowly you become less blind and see all sides of him...the next step is...do you even LIKE all those sides of him you got to know?...if you do...wicked there's a damn good relationship...if you don't...ah many more fish in the sea I suppose. But GOOD LUCK HUN! That's my advice cuz that's what I did with an ex of mine, my family hated him...I couldn't understand WHY!?! (Now I look back and wonder why I didn't see it, *sighs* but that's the being blind shit I was talking about).
:)
|
|
Oct 15, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hes soo Write....Listen to him!
Quote:
*HuGGlieS* ~*Dalyn*~
|
|
Oct 15, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
speaking from experience....
i know excatly how u feel.... when i was younger my mom used to be very very protective....and yell at me all the time and 'WHY U COME HOME SO LATE?? WHERE DID U GO?? WHO WERE U WITH?? WERE U SMOKING!??? *freaks out*
but now that im older it all makes sense... i used to hate my mom 4 yellin at me all the time.... so i think that u should try talkin to ur parents... yes i know its like impossible to *talk* to azn parents.... shrug.... but try... if u cant, write em a letter... they will read it 4 sure.... and once they have calmed down and then it shouldnt be too bad.... i also agree with werdyboy and dj4mula... u gotta think these things.... -is the guy really worth it? -instead of loosing one side, why not just balance things out? i hope everything works out 4 ya... good luck hun.... icq me if u want someone to talk to.... ~elmar
|
|
Oct 15, 01
|
|||
|
|||
|
i know that maybe i should talk to my parents about it right? but the ting is that i am not allowed to have a bf.....i'm like sneakin around my rents to just be with this guy....he means that much to me that this is what i'll do......my mom knows now cuz my of my aunt asked if i was going out with this guy and my mom replies like "i guess so" she hasn't said ne thing to me about it.....just told me to be careful and don't make this affect my school work.......my dad just thinks that theres some guy chasing me and i shouldn't do anything until i get older or in university.......i know that they care about me and all but the hardest this is to tell my dad......that's what i'm afraid about...
of course guys will come and go but i'm not goin to drop a guy just because family doesn't care for him......that's harsh..........he should understand what i'm goin through and to be there.....i think thats the best thing to do right now........ thanks to you all who've helped so far......*hugz* :)
|
