Quote:
Originally Posted by miss.myra
Hey! I was in a relationship for three years, I've done the loooove thing.
I'm not quite sure I'm even ready for a relationship, let alone the big L right now, but things just seem to fall comfortably into place and I can't seem to deny that.
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Heheheh. I can totally empathize with this one.
Here's a quick rundown on what happened to me relationship-wise in the last year.
A whiles back I had to move back to Vancouver Island. It was a pretty low point for me as I had a girlfriend and friends in Vancouver that I really didn't want to give up. So I moved to the island, got a job, and proceeded to spend every cent I had on taking bi-weekly trips to the mainland to visit with my girlfriend (read: visit the girlfriend.... Really only mutual friends between us got much time to hang out with me, which meant that I missed out on a lot of stuff my other friends were doing).
So nearly a year goes by. We're looking at about June last year to April this year. By about April, some concerns are raised as to whether I'm ever gonna make it back to the mainland, and it seems to rock the relationship a little. So, after hitting up Van once for a rave, I seclude myself to the island and focus on garnering money so that I can have a solid base before I move back to the mainland. This means giving up the bi-weekly trips. Automatically, you'd think that this would give her an excuse to come out to the island a bit more often and meet my friends.
Heh. Wouldn't that have been nice.
She came out twice since then. The third time was supposed to be my birthday, but the week before, as I was over on the mainland, she seemed to be holding me at arms length.... We had a couple issues, she was missing having someone around a bunch, I was... I dunno... pretty pissed off that these things were coming up now... it was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? If you want me on the mainland, bear out the couple of months of not seeing me or come the fuck over already, and if you wanna see me regularily then I really can't put aside the money to start looking to come back out.
So, weekend before my birthday, she's being all meefy, and finally I just say "Look, do you wanna talk about this? Because it's pretty obvious something's up..."
"I didn't wanna bring it up now."
"What? You wanna do this on my birthday?"
So we have the breakup conversation. Her doing. It fucking hurt, to be putting in so much energy for an entire year to keep it going just to have it thrown back at you once you try to put some effort to make it so you don't have to put so much energy into it any more.
Well, my form of therapy was pretty good: My friends. I think I eventually ended up crying simply because of some stupid bullshit issue involving my hat at the beach (I really didn't care about the hat, I just really needed to let some crying out).
Since then I've noticed myself doing more assholish guy things. I dunno if it's that I'm doing them more or if I'm just seeing it now, but it seems to me that a lot of the vitality and enthusiasm I originally had towards the concept of the relationship has become... I dunno... jaded? I don't think I'm ready for a relationship now, though I might be.... for now I'm just happy being a friend to my friends and experiencing moments with them. Relationships aren't even a concern. If something happens, I suppose it will, but I'll deal with it when that situation comes.
I don't know if anything I said was helpful. I think I felt like just venting it more than anything. It's just... you're not alone Myra.... I know what you're feeling, and I'm willing to bet a lot of other people do... Which is a surefire sign that this is one of those things we've all gotta just live through and when it ends we'll all be better people for it. We may hurt people, including ourselves, along the way.... but that's just a part of life. All we can really do is take our observations and see how else we can reapply them.