The best friendship gone wrong

Varney Rae · #1 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

My best guy friend (and basicly best friend) used to have a huge thing for me before we became such good friends. But once we became closer I made it clear that nothing was going to happen between us, and he assured me that he was ok with that. Then after a longer while he even made it clear to me that the feelings werent there anymore and he just loved me as a friend. He seemed very sincere about it, and considering we are such good friends I trusted him. Then on friday I was having lunch with a few of my other guy friends and the subject came up and they said that it wasnt true at all. They said that he has told them numerous times that these feelings are still there and stronger than ever. Now I just dont know what to do?! Considering I spend a fair amount of time with him and we have alot of the same friends its just awkward for me now. I'm mad that he would lie, I feel bad in a way that I dont feel the same for him and most of all I'm frustrated because I dont know what to say to him about it. I get along with guys so much better than girls and just naturally become good friends with them. I have never even thought about something like this happening, and now that it has Im just sitting in a big puddle of mixed emotions:047: Has this ever happened to anybody? I am in need of some serious advice.

Jeaninah · #2 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

guys are fucked up like that.. and they say we're weird.. phhhhft..

Varney Rae · #3 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Oh I know..the sense is lacking.

LeeBrat · #4 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

i have had the same sort of thing happen....i hate it, guys are so dumb..but anyway, if you just want ot be friends with him then just tell him streight up that thats all you want, or are ready for right now...he should understand...but it sure does make things akward

Kandyapple · #5 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Man that sucks. I've been there. I had a friend that liked me before and all of our mutual friends built him up saying that we should totally go out. Anyway it just wasn't for me and I broke his heart. But I really still wanted to be friends with him. I just let him know I wasn't interested. But it would make things so awkward when we hung out. And it would just end up in another melt down between us. So we would not hang out for a while. And then we would bump into each other after 6 months and chill. And again another melt down.
I mean you could confront him about it, because I'm sure your going to be awkward now.

I've been on the guys end before as well. And from that point of view it's really tough too. Especialy when it is a good friend. It's really easy to put them on a pedastil because you see the great friendship side of it. It's easy to convince yourself that eventualy the friend may become more if you just wait it out.

I think you should just be very clear with him. Sit down and talk it out. It can be very hard, but maybe him balling it all up is making it harder for him to let go.

roxi · #6 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

ya, i have the same thing goin on rite now.
we're not best friends or anything, but he totally wants to be with me, and i just dont feel the same way at all. i'm totally happy just being friends, cuz hes fun to hang out with.
we hung out just last week, and then after, again he asked whether or not i feel the way he does, and of course i said nothing had changed. i feel bad.
apparently i was giving him the wrong impression. he thought that just cuz i was hangin out with him, it meant i was interested in being more than friends. because any other girls he hangs out with is always with ulterior motives, not just wanting to be friends, and 'hang out'.

Varney Rae · #7 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Yeah..I know I just have to talk to him. I'm just dreading the conversation, and the many awkward conversations afterwards, I guess I'm just looking for another way. It wouldnt be so hard if we werent so close. If i didnt know him and care about him so much it would be much less complicated.

miss.myra · #8 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

My whole life, I've had mostly guy friends. I can relate to this.

Hint, bigger feelings, going for a deeper relationship and sex can ruin even the most solid of friendships. Approach with caution.

Then again, can you blame them? Spending a lot of time together with someone of the preferred sex, obviously it's going to cross someone's mind at least once.

Cdn_Brdr · #9 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss.myra

My whole life, I've had mostly guy friends. I can relate to this.

Hint, bigger feelings, going for a deeper relationship and sex can ruin even the most solid of friendships. Approach with caution.

Then again, can you blame them? Spending a lot of time together with someone of the preferred sex, obviously it's going to cross someone's mind at least once.

It's true.... I want sleep with Myra every time I see her. I think it has something to do with her stellar rack.

Varney Rae · #10 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

^true..but I do think I can place abit of blame for him lieing. He told me the feelings had turned into friendship long after we had the "is this going to happen" discussion.

Cdn_Brdr · #11 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by varn

^true..but I do think I can place abit of blame for him lieing. He told me the feelings had turned into friendship long after we had the "is this going to happen" discussion.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe he covered it up because he was afraid of losing the friendship completely? He might have said something to his friends but to you he seems to have respected his boundaries. Maybe he figured it was better to have you as a friend and keep his feelings quiet rather than not have you as a friend at all.

I think your anger is misplaced.

Varney Rae · #12 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

I dont. As I said we have alot of the same friends. Eventually I was going to find out. This is going to ruin things far more than if he had just told me himself.
*Also I am not angry...I'm a little bit annoyed by his lieing, but considering the situation Im not going to go and get mad at him for anything.

COMATOS3 · #13 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

^does he go to kits?

Varney Rae · #14 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

^why do you ask?

COMATOS3 · #15 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by varn

^why do you ask?

just cause im in the exact same grade as you (+ live close) and i might know him...and if he does it would be worse cuz u gotta see him every fucking day....puts more pressure on you.

Varney Rae · #16 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

I see. Yeah he goes to kits. But it wouldnt make a difference, we hang out all the time and once again the friends thing.

p.s. what school do u go to?

COMATOS3 · #17 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by varn

I see. Yeah he goes to kits. But it wouldnt make a difference, we hang out all the time and once again the friends thing.

p.s. what school do u go to?

im a buddy of Avrils......i think i met you on new years....bit to fucked up to tell....

COMATOS3 · #18 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

name is Guy by the way

Berta · #19 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

i know EXACTLY how you feel..only the guy usually ends up making me choose between us not being friends anymore cuz his feelings are too strong or for me to just go out with them...DAMN GUYS..

i think you should just talk to him about it and try and sort things out and tell him again that you know he cant help but feel that way about you but you feel that its a much better relationship as friends and it will last much longer...just kind of see what comes out when you start saying that, and hopefuly it will result good

Varney Rae · #20 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by dekor

name is Guy by the way

Oh I remember you...we met briefly i think.

Varney Rae · #21 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

Quote:

Originally Posted by liquid_haze

i know EXACTLY how you feel..only the guy usually ends up making me choose between us not being friends anymore cuz his feelings are too strong or for me to just go out with them...DAMN GUYS..

i think you should just talk to him about it and try and sort things out and tell him again that you know he cant help but feel that way about you but you feel that its a much better relationship as friends and it will last much longer...just kind of see what comes out when you start saying that, and hopefuly it will result good

Yeah I think thats how its going to have to be. Ill just outright say it so that there is no more confusion or lieing.
thanks for the advice.

Bevvy Swift · #22 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

you cant get mad at a guy for not telling you he likes you if you dont like him. hes just saying that so you dont feel awkward cos he doesnt wanna lose you as a friend.

wum · #23 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

you're mad cuz he spared you twos an awkward situation?

neoh · #24 (**permalink**) Jan 18, 05

tell him straight up, it stings, but it's better then ruining the relashionship.

I've had this very similiar situation, my best friend I feel in love with years ago, I told her about it, and she BLEW ME OFF! We're to this day great friends, I think it would of ruined it if we would of went ahead and gone through with it.

Our relashionship is better now then before.

Psycho_Laughs · #25 (**permalink**) Jan 19, 05

been in that situation.
i told her i loved her, she said she loved me back, but by that time we had become good friends and she didn't want to risk the relationship, and she was right, we would've blown it and never been the same after.
i was in love with her for 2 years, and the entire time we were close friends, and she knew how i felt.
deep inside i knew it was never going to happen, but you can't really rationalize your heart. two years later i still love her, and she still loves me, but now it's the friends kind of love.
seriously, let him know you know about his feelings. and be blunt, tell him you won't cross the friend line.
do not say "i love you but only as a friend". that is a major blow to the ego.
just tell him you won't risk ruining the friendship and not having him in your life. it's basically the same thing, but it's all how you say it, you know?

and things only get akward if you let them get akward. if he gets all weird on you, don't be afraid to ultimatum his ass with something like "you want to be my friend or not?"
should do the trick.