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Feb 20, 05
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Interacting with retarded people
My gf has a slightly retarded younger sister. I guess I’ve been avoiding her for a while now, but my gf just phoned me to say that she has invited her to come with us on a trip we’re taking.
I guess I shouldn’t be patting her on the head and playing hot potato, but it gets uncomfortable when we’re in the same room and we just smile dumbly at each other. tips? 
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Feb 20, 05
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Just treat her like you would anyone else!
The disability is a part of her, not her entire identity. If you're worried that conversing may get complicated, look directly at her when speaking (be sure you have her attn), use simple words in short sentences. Speak slowly. Wait longer than usual for response time (instead of 5s, give 10s-30s). Give choices. Use visual cues (pointing, the object itself, pictures, gestures). Just talk to her and get to know her. And you might wanna stop using the "R-word". A "person with a (developmental) disability" is much more PC. And handicapped is outdated too.
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Feb 20, 05
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wellll not trying to be a bitch here but instead of calling her retarded, use the term special needs. And just be nice. My friends little sister is special needs and she really seems to like me and thinks I'm her sister. Just be extra friendly and understanding. And very very patient.
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Feb 21, 05
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Quote:
http://www.fnk.ca/board/showthread.p...22#post1185522 sorry for not using the perfect PC term, i'm just not hip to this stuff.
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Feb 21, 05
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^ it shouldn't matter her "condition" Kam. Get to know THE PERSON FIRST.
A lesson in PC language Re: Persons with disabilites... *If we are talking about a child, you would say that they are a "child with special needs." *If we are talking about an adult, you would say that they are a "person with a (developmental) disability" But you always want to use PERSON-FIRST language... This means saying that the disability/special need is a part of the person, not the person themselves. A person/child "with" a disability/special needs. You shouldn't use "is" because the person isn't the disability, it's just a part of them. And for actually labelling the disability itself (which is most often irrelevant really), you wouldn't say "she is Autistic". You would say "She has autism." In any case, a person's name is better than a label.
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Feb 21, 05
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well i've actually spoken to her before, but i usually follow her lead, and i never initiate. she might be talking about her dog and i'll comment on that, but i won't lead the convo any which way.
i'm really unsure of her development. i shouldn't make wise cracks i guess?
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Feb 21, 05
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^ LOL
Yessssss :) Resident expert on PC/Person-first language. And patience/tolerance/acceptance. I have the coolest job in the world (IMO). But I've got nothing on the parents of the kids that I support. THEY are amazing/brave/strong people.
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Feb 21, 05
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^ Treatment? Or avoidance... Perhaps I wasn't listening closely enough, but I don't understand how abstaining from tap water or vaccines would "cure" you of Autism. Now as a proactive measure, maybe.
Also, it depends on what you believe causes Autism. Genes or environmental factors (ie: vaccines). It's interesting to think that it's hereditary and the amount of people in Silicon valley who have Autism is highest per capita in the world I believe. But theres also stuff I've seen about children who have many ear infections as infants and then later on (3yrs old or so) they are diagnosed with Autism. Also, there are 4 times more boys who have Autism than girls.
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Feb 21, 05
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i've grown up with an auntie with specail needs, and never viewed her differently than anyone else. when i was much younger, i always thought she was around my age, and when i got older and asked questions, my dad filled me in.
i work at the specail olympics almost yearly, and have had the honor of being around people with many different needs, disabilities, and abilities. every person i have come across, i treat how i would anyone else. if anything, they have had more interesting things to say then alot of the common public i have come across. talk to her like you would anyone elses younger sister. shes human, she understands. and maybe discussing this with your girlfriend would be a good idea. ask what would be an important subject to her sister, something you could both talk about for a long time.
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Feb 21, 05
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treat her like you would anyone else man.
sounds to me like you gf wants you to get to know her sister. if your gf means much to you i suggest you try your best to make her sister feel comfortable around you. who knows, maybe you will too huh?
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Feb 21, 05
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i didnt think your ignorance towards people would hit a new low, but now you have issues with handicapped people? tip - try just treating them like they're no different than anyone else? not that hard, saves the 'akwardness' you speak of. it just seems very rude to me to be weird around her just for that
Last edited by justin; Feb 21, 05 at 01:27 AM.
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Feb 21, 05
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^ is all you ever talk about politics and religion? cause if so, you'd be bloody boring.
its not as if you have to talk about things that are not at a presumably higher level of intellegence. maybe she likes a sport? my auntie loves hockey, and although her communication skills are not the best (she has down syndrome) she signs and after you know her for awhile you understand what she is saying and she can talk to you for hours about hockey and the kamloops blazers. maybe she likes to draw? ask her what her favorite image or picture is. listen to what she has to say and make comments towards that. you say she likes to talk about her dog? ask her what its favorite trick is, or what trick she likes the best. maybe she likes the outdoors? ask her what her favorite activity is. or ask her her favorite movie or tv show. favorite music, favorite song, favorite story. get to know her. ask her questions you would ask anyone that youre getting to know. it seems like the answer your searching for is communication skills. like everyone has said repeatedly, talk to her as you would anyone else. would you talk to someone elses little sister about politics and religion? probably not, depending on age. so you feel awkward maybe shy, thats fine. plenty of people feel that way when they first talk to someone with specail needs or a disability. break the ice with basic getting-to-know-each-other conversation. i honestly believe it will help you to relax around her, let you get to know her.
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Feb 21, 05
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Quote:
Justin you cannot treat them like you would treat anyone else, dont call this ignorance but people like that do need extra attention and you do need to be more careful with how you talk to them and what you talk to them about...... Wum you pretty much have all the advice you can get on this thread, Nev's reply is pretty damn good.....i have a cousin who is like that, it is very hard to communicate with him but i still manage. By the sounds of it, and i am just building an assumption here, she doesnt seem like she has that severe of a case so like nev and others said, keep the convos simple talk about very general basic stuff, known to everyone almost these days, like hilary duff... >_> not to repeat or anything most important thing you gotta keep track of is making them feel that they have your full attention, well good luck...
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Feb 21, 05
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I'm sure it's already been said but your first mistake is calling her retarded... not really appropriate.
A good friend of mine has a brother with down's syndrome and he's a blast to hang around with. We don't make fun of him or take advantage of him. We let him hang around with us like we would anyone else.... like one of the guys. You really shouldn't treat someoene with a disability any different than you would treat anyone else as far as I'm concerned. If their needs require that you do then maybe that's a little different but overall they are no diferent than you or I. Bottom line is I'm sure most people have other 'disabilities' that make them far worse off than someone with special needs.
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