awaiting death

[charly]

i'm thankful for having the opportunity of closure, unlike before, but it doesn't make it easier.

how do you just sit there and watch this, knowing what's going to happen?
i feel so helpless and confused.

fuck.

[cheeseburger]

whats death?

Its too big to comprehend

[cinist]

the only thing you can do is accept it and do your best not to focus on it, and then just get through each day

[t-skywalker]

I use to be afraid of death as a little girl..and sometimes even now i get all sad..but i feel aslong as i make a good life and have a good impact on ppl and there lives...ppl will learn something from me and i can fullfill my time with livin life to the fullest...sorry if i sound so cheezy but i tend to be a deep person(spiritual)(but a bad speller:)

[zarlon]

its good to at least know, so you can begin to come to terms with it before it's actually occured

good luck

[Bitchin]

nothing you can do.. accept it.. dont think about it... and just enjoy the remainder of the time you have with them.

Just remember, the person goin threw it is far more scred.

[mugsy]

im finding it harder then when death just happens. especailly if your watching someone be sick or as i see it, getting devoured by what is hurting\killing them.
i dont think knowing can prepare anyone fully for the impact of loss. i find myself more so thinking about the future without them - which is stupid as i have so much time right now to just spend with them. frankly i do my best to worry about today rather then tomorow, but it does sneak up on me sometimes.

sometimes i cant sit and watch. sometimes i have to leave, and i feel bad after doing so - but i know i cant be around it any more. i need a break. sometimes its completely unbearable and i scream and cry. sometimes its so frustrating that i want to just tear it out of the person. but other times im so emotional in a great way watching others around me enjoying the company of their family. it makes me remember all the things i had forgoten in my haste of irrational emotions.
its a whirlwind of ups and downs, and sometimes side to side. acceptance of the whole situation is easier said then done. acceptance of the moment or of the day is neccessary. it may not be the time to relish in memories but i find some moments it helps me deal.

for the past almost two and half years i have felt overwhelmed with helplessness. its like ive been searching for an answer that no one has, that no one can find and that really can never be answered. this brings in its own awful and terrifying moments or self doubt, and of sadness. i think feeling helpless is a sign of love. you want to make the person feel better so much that it makes you cry - well it makes me cry. and i get frustrated when i cant even provide momentary reliefe. but on the good weeks, i do everything i can to provide fun and laughter and basic good times.

i know its not easy to accept, and acceptance isnt something anyone should be forced into. i have had over two years to accept my situation, and i know that i still havent fully accepted it. the first year i just had to accept that he was sick but going to be better and i didnt, bu this last year i have had to accept an end, and i cant yet. the best thing i can think of doing is living within the moment - death sometimes can knock a whole other sense of reality into our minds. a reality that doesnt base itself on "ill do that tomorow... ill do that next year... in the future..." and never be so quick to think that memories cant be healing. because they can.
being able to have closure and having to await an end is not as good as it might always seem. at least thats my opinion.

[onefour]

death is apart of life, you will die one day, i will die one day, we will all die. we all know it will happen, so why focus on it. If you know its going to happen just enjoy your entire time up to that point.

[miss.myra]

Originally Posted by onefour

death is apart of life, you will die one day, i will die one day, we will all die. we all know it will happen, so why focus on it. If you know its going to happen just enjoy your entire time up to that point.

She's not talking about her own death, btw.

[Moon]

Originally Posted by Bitchin

Just remember, the person goin threw it is far more scred.

haha is that supposed to be more comforting?

yeah it sucks... i'm kinda going though this right now. although my grandmother has gone months beyond what the doctors estimated. liver cancer is usually 2-6 months.... it's been almost 8 months since she was first diagnosed

[Varney Rae]

I dont know why but death has never frightened me. I've always just thought of it as a part of life, a part of life that is every bit as relevant as birth. Life is a journey you take, and every journey has an end.

[~god~]

When i turn 80, Im gonna shove myself in the freezer!

IIMM NNEEVVEEER GONNAAA DIE!

[Lee]

Originally Posted by varn

I dont know why but death has never frightened me. I've always just thought of it as a part of life, a part of life that is every bit as relevant as birth. Life is a journey you take, and every journey has an end.

I am the exact same way. The thought of death, including my own, does not scare me, it never has for some reason

[~god~]

Originally Posted by mugsy

i know its not easy to accept, and acceptance isnt something anyone should be forced into. i have had over two years to accept my situation, and i know that i still havent fully accepted it. the first year i just had to accept that he was sick but going to be better and i didnt, bu this last year i have had to accept an end, and i cant yet.

very well said.
how can you accept it? watching my grandfather die over night, i realized that the concept of "death" is completely parallel with my logic system.
it just doesn't make sense to me, so i can not force myself to believe it...let alone accept it!

[charly]

Originally Posted by mugsy

im finding it harder then when death just happens. especailly if your watching someone be sick or as i see it, getting devoured by what is hurting\killing them.
i dont think knowing can prepare anyone fully for the impact of loss. i find myself more so thinking about the future without them - which is stupid as i have so much time right now to just spend with them. frankly i do my best to worry about today rather then tomorow, but it does sneak up on me sometimes.

sometimes i cant sit and watch. sometimes i have to leave, and i feel bad after doing so - but i know i cant be around it any more. i need a break. sometimes its completely unbearable and i scream and cry. sometimes its so frustrating that i want to just tear it out of the person. but other times im so emotional in a great way watching others around me enjoying the company of their family. it makes me remember all the things i had forgoten in my haste of irrational emotions.
its a whirlwind of ups and downs, and sometimes side to side. acceptance of the whole situation is easier said then done. acceptance of the moment or of the day is neccessary. it may not be the time to relish in memories but i find some moments it helps me deal.

for the past almost two and half years i have felt overwhelmed with helplessness. its like ive been searching for an answer that no one has, that no one can find and that really can never be answered. this brings in its own awful and terrifying moments or self doubt, and of sadness. i think feeling helpless is a sign of love. you want to make the person feel better so much that it makes you cry - well it makes me cry. and i get frustrated when i cant even provide momentary reliefe. but on the good weeks, i do everything i can to provide fun and laughter and basic good times.

i know its not easy to accept, and acceptance isnt something anyone should be forced into. i have had over two years to accept my situation, and i know that i still havent fully accepted it. the first year i just had to accept that he was sick but going to be better and i didnt, bu this last year i have had to accept an end, and i cant yet. the best thing i can think of doing is living within the moment - death sometimes can knock a whole other sense of reality into our minds. a reality that doesnt base itself on "ill do that tomorow... ill do that next year... in the future..." and never be so quick to think that memories cant be healing. because they can.
being able to have closure and having to await an end is not as good as it might always seem. at least thats my opinion.

it's like you put my thoughts into the words i couldn't.


i think with the whole closure thing, for me it stems from the bitterness of when my grandpa died. for the last year of his life, i was kept away from him. i didn't get to see him, or visit him, and i had no control and i hated it. then he was gone. i guess i've never really let go of that, so i'm determined to not let it happen again if i have the choice, and as hard as it is to watch, it helps me. i can go visit her, and i can see her and make her smile and not be held back.

it's hard as hell to see her though and just look at her and hear the words "she won't see your 20th birthday" in my head, but it's all i can do really.

thanks everyone..

[Bitchin]

Originally Posted by k-pryde

haha is that supposed to be more comforting?

No, I'm jsut saying... if you hate waiting.. they're goin thru worse.. be there for them.. make thier last moments the best, and yours with them.

dont think of its as a downer...

[i think that all made sense]

[charly]

don't worry, it made sense to me j'nette.

[b0ld]

Hrm where can I start.... There isn't any way possible not to accept death. Death of course occurs young and old, rich or poor, healthy or ill. It chooses anyone / anything whenever it chooses. Every second death occurs everywhere. Its a fact of life and also one of the wonders in the world. I can understand the situation that your feeling right now. Emotions to one another is a fact of life. Seeing one in pain and suffering is hard to see. I've seen it and am currently living it right now. Ever since my dads back situation took a turn for the worst a few years ago our lives changed. He used to be hard working labourer that stood 6 feet and was about 260-280 pounds. Things went downhill and he had to go into emergency surgery. His body went into complete shock and was never expected to walk. Now he weighs 140 pounds and thats the most he can put on. The disease that he has is slowly deteriorating his body primarily her neurological system. He had surgery 2 years ago again to try and slow down any damage and was less then half an inch from not moving anything except his eyelids.

We know he is never going to make 80 at all. Death will occur of course because of surcombing to the disease that has plagued his body. He has always been the healthiest person prior to this and then BAM one cough and that was it. Financially wise he can't live by himself now. He receives a shitty disability check from the government and then the rest I pretty much take care of and chip in. We try to balance things as much as we can. He understands the situation that this has put both of us in. He understands that there are things in life that I currently want to do like moving out on my own and what not. But he understand and I understand that the only way he can survive is by helping each other. Right now he tries to enjoy life the fullest. Nobody says life would ever be easy. The way I see it death is actually a beautiful thing whether if its biological or some other form of matter. If you look at it every single second,breath,blink, etc is a biological clock. The clock can stop ticking at any given moment. nobody can avoid this clock they have no other choice but to accept it.

So just enjoy life. Enjoy every second. Look back at the days during the good times and bad times. I don't look at the future at all. I accept everything the way it comes and it eventually go's and well can't really change it because its history now. Cherish EVERY moment.

[Antenna_Boy]

.............

for the past almost two and half years i have felt overwhelmed with helplessness. its like ive been searching for an answer that no one has, that no one can find and that really can never be answered. this brings in its own awful and terrifying moments or self doubt, and of sadness. i think feeling helpless is a sign of love. you want to make the person feel better so much that it makes you cry - well it makes me cry. and i get frustrated when i cant even provide momentary reliefe. but on the good weeks, i do everything i can to provide fun and laughter and basic good times.

i know its not easy to accept, and acceptance isnt something anyone should be forced into. i have had over two years to accept my situation, and i know that i still havent fully accepted it. the first year i just had to accept that he was sick but going to be better and i didnt, bu this last year i have had to accept an end, and i cant yet. the best thing i can think of doing is living within the moment - death sometimes can knock a whole other sense of reality into our minds. a reality that doesnt base itself on "ill do that tomorow... ill do that next year... in the future..." and never be so quick to think that memories cant be healing. because they can.
being able to have closure and having to await an end is not as good as it might always seem. at least thats my opinion.

not all of us have the memories that were positive in our lives, so learning from past mistakes to be better sometimes makes things worse by depression even though the productivity is positive...our health isn't. Love it or hate it, death is something inevitable. What we do with our time here should not be selfish. Instead, what I have come to realize is that I have to work hard so that my future kids have an easier life than mine. And trust me...I have cried too..not about my future, but about my past..and the experiences I went through. 'nuff said :)

[**ClaireBear**]

Originally Posted by b0ld

Hrm where can I start.... There isn't any way possible not to accept death. Death of course occurs young and old, rich or poor, healthy or ill. It chooses anyone / anything whenever it chooses. Every second death occurs everywhere. Its a fact of life and also one of the wonders in the world. I can understand the situation that your feeling right now. Emotions to one another is a fact of life. Seeing one in pain and suffering is hard to see. I've seen it and am currently living it right now. Ever since my dads back situation took a turn for the worst a few years ago our lives changed. He used to be hard working labourer that stood 6 feet and was about 260-280 pounds. Things went downhill and he had to go into emergency surgery. His body went into complete shock and was never expected to walk. Now he weighs 140 pounds and thats the most he can put on. The disease that he has is slowly deteriorating his body primarily her neurological system. He had surgery 2 years ago again to try and slow down any damage and was less then half an inch from not moving anything except his eyelids.

We know he is never going to make 80 at all. Death will occur of course because of surcombing to the disease that has plagued his body. He has always been the healthiest person prior to this and then BAM one cough and that was it. Financially wise he can't live by himself now. He receives a shitty disability check from the government and then the rest I pretty much take care of and chip in. We try to balance things as much as we can. He understands the situation that this has put both of us in. He understands that there are things in life that I currently want to do like moving out on my own and what not. But he understand and I understand that the only way he can survive is by helping each other. Right now he tries to enjoy life the fullest. Nobody says life would ever be easy. The way I see it death is actually a beautiful thing whether if its biological or some other form of matter. If you look at it every single second,breath,blink, etc is a biological clock. The clock can stop ticking at any given moment. nobody can avoid this clock they have no other choice but to accept it.

So just enjoy life. Enjoy every second. Look back at the days during the good times and bad times. I don't look at the future at all. I accept everything the way it comes and it eventually go's and well can't really change it because its history now. Cherish EVERY moment.

^^wow, you're an amazingly strong person...i guess a situation like that forces you to be but i think personally i could not stay posistive like that..my dad passed away last december and the 4 months after it happened i was a complete mess and i didnt want to believe it and i pretended like it didnt happen...denial...its like poison. so of corse i took the cop out and drank myself beligerant and popped myself reterded, and other things, every night.

Letting go was the saving point, i found i was trying to hold on to his memories so much that i forgot why, i realized that no matter what, i still have a dad, even tho i cant see him, and he still loves me, even though i dont hear it, and he knows i still love him..and thats all that really matters in my heart.
I realize its different situation, watching someone die, and just having someone die suddenly but if you hold on to things for too long they eat away at you until theres nothing left inside.

[Jeaninah]

*sighs and nods head*

I know how your feeling right now. :(