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Dec 14, 05
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alcoholics
a friend of mine is an alcoholic. been drinking excessively for years, but over the year hes gotten a lot worse. hes been partying for so long, and has found many like minded friends that he's quite comfortable in his lifestyle.
i said something along the lines of 'i want you too stop drinking so much' the other morning while he sat on my couch drinking shots of my alcohol and doing lines of coke at 9 am, while my boyfriend and i ate breakfast and drank coffee. he replied with a 'i don't plan on living past 30 so consequence is not a concern, i just want too have fun'. if he wanted too quit he'd have no problem, the problem is that he has no aspiration in life for his future. i see where he's coming from, having been shafted of most the basic oppurtunities and support of building a future most of us have/had growing up. but hes got amazing character, and a big heart which i know that if he were too find his calling he'd for sure succeed in. it's sad that this is such a common problem, i'm sure many of you have gone through a similar situation. so what do i do? what did you do? i feel like there's only so much that i can do. we're good friends and we'll always have a tight bond, but putting our friendship on the line i feel would bring nothing. serious talks has done nothing, and i know that i'm starting too sound like a broken record. it's hard too steer someone into a more productive lifestyle when they're always drunk and rocked from the mess the night before. whaaaaat do i dooooo? 
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Dec 14, 05
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Okay..I've had friends like that...
Personaly if you want to make him slow down you have to make him go through hard time when he starts drinking alot, cause it is often a social issue, if you show them support when they drink just like kids they will continue doing it, so I recommend one night you just leave him by its own and he will soon realize that it is boring cause drinking doesn't get him no where... It might be crual, but I had some friends that did alot of damage not only in they're lifes but in other peoples lifes... So It is better to go through that, but I would only try it when it gets really extreme If it isn't a social issue I recommend doing a therapy
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Dec 14, 05
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sometimes there's just not much you can do, you have to just stick by your friend and remind him that you haven't given up on him. try to make him realize that he's a great person, and that he has a life that's worth living even if he doesn't see it yet. emphisize all good things, and maybe one day he'll understand how beautiful life is and then he won't have to rely on the bottle anymore. professional help is always another option..but usually that's only helpful if the person knows they have a problem and want to fix it.
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Dec 14, 05
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My dad is an alcoholic. He has been since I was born. It has ruined him marriage, his job, his life. But he still continues and in no way blames alcholism for anything.
There is NOTHING you can do honestly. He has to want to stop. Want to change and unless that happens..dont count your chickens. It hurts to want to help them..but you cant help if they dont think its a problem. Maybe the best way out for your friend is too find something he enjoys and turn that into some career ambition..because it could just be a 'im lazy, im young, i can do whatever the hell i want' phaze. Good luck =/
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Dec 14, 05
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yeah, there isn't much you can do
you can't make somone change unfortunately it sucks cause it's so hard to sit by and watch a close friend hurt themselves i've been through this situation before and it's like walking on egg shells cause you don't know if what you tell them (from your heart out of love and concern) is going to make flip on you and then go chill with people who support their habbits in one situation they did flip out on me, so i didn't really speak to them anymore for a few months.. but eventually they came around hopefully your friend will reach a point in their life where they will realize what they are doing and want to change for the better it's tough! good luck kelly!
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Dec 17, 05
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alcoholics
a friend of mine is an alcoholic. been drinking excessively for years, but over the year hes gotten a lot worse. hes been partying for so long, and has found many like minded friends that he's quite comfortable in his lifestyle. i said something along the lines of 'i want you too stop drinking so much' the other morning while he sat on my couch drinking shots of my alcohol and doing lines of coke at 9 am, while my boyfriend and i ate breakfast and drank coffee. he replied with a 'i don't plan on living past 30 so consequence is not a concern, i just want too have fun'. if he wanted too quit he'd have no problem, the problem is that he has no aspiration in life for his future. i see where he's coming from, having been shafted of most the basic oppurtunities and support of building a future most of us have/had growing up. but hes got amazing character, and a big heart which i know that if he were too find his calling he'd for sure succeed in. it's sad that this is such a common problem, i'm sure many of you have gone through a similar situation. so what do i do? what did you do? i feel like there's only so much that i can do. we're good friends and we'll always have a tight bond, but putting our friendship on the line i feel would bring nothing. serious talks has done nothing, and i know that i'm starting too sound like a broken record. it's hard too steer someone into a more productive lifestyle when they're always drunk and rocked from the mess the night before. whaaaaat do i dooooo? Hey Kel, i was your friend for over 13 years. My intervention was my friends cornering me in a bar- one of my girlfriends trying to kill my dealer, one of my buddies screaming at me at the cellar nite club bathroom, while i was hitting a few in the stall, then my other buddy grabbing the massive amount of coke i had and dumping it on the ground, me almost punching him out, then me realizing i still had a half gram, so i ran while my friends chased me. I got away. My friends showed up at the restaurant, sat down me and the owner, and forced me to tell them about my drinking and drugging issues. They then preceeded to tell him various accounts of my usage. The owner ship team decided that i couldnt continue as the chef, and let me go. i was still doing rails in my friends bars and restaurants. I was stll bailing on everyone so i could get high alone. It was finally after i had picked up mainling as a habit, half dead on the street in the war zone, when i realized i couldnt die. heavy? im currently coming on 11months clean and sober. And although my friends game me everything they could, in the end, no one gets off, and stays off, unless they want to. You give love and support, abut you and your boy gotta protect your own hearts. Its one of the shittiest feelings on the planet, but sometimes, most of the times, its been when an addict hits rock bottom or dies, that anything changes. But there are things you can do, people to talk to and professional resources. If you and your crew ever wanna hit up a coffee, and pick my brain, im down, i can even bring down some other cats i was in treatment with as well as my sponsor. If this is a legitimiate issue, know that there are options! Keep yer head up, and protect thast heart of yours, cuz it may go through the ringer sometimes, but today, i have lost friends, but i have also strengthened a lot of friendship to! 604.719.7410 peace+respect shak
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Dec 17, 05
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if he means a lot to you, then just DONT give up on him.
keep trying, it might seem pointless at the time, but he will thank you dearly if you help him as this is not something that will happen overnight. show him TONS and TONS of support, and keep talking to him.
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Dec 17, 05
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thats an intense story fable
glad to hear that your doing well you can't force an addict to stop, it won't work one of my best friends and gf went through that they can only stop when they truly want to because in the end, its their decision to get high or hang dry and if it isn't what'll stop them from turning back? ya can't be there 24/7 keep hope though, like fable said there are lots of options
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Dec 18, 05
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Although ive never had a problem with alchy. I was pretty bad into the Toot a couple years ago...
What made me quit that shit was hitting some of the lowest points of my life. It was becoming a life or death situation. I wanted to live. So i quit. Sadly, I think that is what it takes for most addicts to shake their demon. There was nothing anyone else could say or do around me that would change my mind. I really had to see for myself... That being said, there is still alot you can do for your friend. Talk to them Talk to them Talk to them. Let them know you are concerned, they need to know that they will be missed if they leave. They need to know from their loved ones that dying (or getting close to it) is NOT an option. Continue supporting them, but don't support their habbit. Try to be accepting of the fact they have a problem, but dont accept the problem itself. It's tough for me to explain, but i hope you get what im sayin? Dont cut yer friend off completely, but you gotta find some way of letting em know that their lifestyle is not cool, and that it is affecting the relationship, but it can be solved. Last edited by -evil-duerr-; Dec 18, 05 at 01:38 AM.
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Dec 18, 05
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you have to make him realize what he is doing is not good for him or the poeple around him that care about him.
you have to show him that.... even if it means putting him in bad situations.... well teaching him some life lessons. its for the better really also, he needs to find someone that can show him what unconditional love is. Someone to guide him but still look up for him. have the leadership but still have the passion for him. he doesnt have to be willing to change, if it is ment to happen he will see the light, someone jsut has to shine it his way.
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Dec 18, 05
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kelly, your friend is lucky to have a you and i hope that you can stick by his side no matter what happens. you can try all you want to get him to stop drinking but it his 100% his own responsibility to admit that he has a problem and to seek the help that he needs.
lately there has been a lot of talk about a book by a man named, james frey, called 'a million little pieces.' it's james' story about his 6 months in recovery. i think that it gives good perspective into the mind of an alcoholic/addict and although it may not be an easy and enjoyable read it gives good insight. just don't ever, ever, ever give up on your friend, no matter how shitty he might be to you. alcoholism/addiction is a disease and although your friend has the power to control his actions he needs the strengh w/in himself. (l)
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