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| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
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Dec 18, 05
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that's good if he did..
wish i could say the same about my father.. 
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Dec 18, 05
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wishing you and your family the best, james.
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Dec 19, 05
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I've had major father issues with my birth and step dad. All you people that say that there's no chance and all that shit, shut up. There's always hope for someone to turn around, sure it might have taken my dad like 20 years to do so but it happened. Keep you head up James. Best of luck
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Dec 19, 05
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Dec 19, 05
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Dec 19, 05
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i love threads like this as much as I love the "hey you" section.
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Dec 20, 05
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ya know, they say as you get older, you "hate" him less because you understand that life is a bitch and sometimes the situation causes the lack of relationship with dad.
it's also really common to start pitying the dead beat, because most of the time they are fucking losers. this also comes back to the understanding life is a bitch thing. that being said, good luck and stuff.
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Dec 20, 05
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I hated my father and mother for quite awhile due to how they chose to administer dicipline(im not gonna get into it, but it aint hard to figure it out) The hate turned inwards and it caused many problems systemic to hate. Its only know at 27 that the relationship between my parents and I, as well as my relationships with my siblings are starting to progress. Was it me? Was it them? Id like to think it was a bit of both. No matter what some opionions might state, relationships always involved the plural, and no matter how stoic someone may be in their behaviour, one persons change effects the others involved. Its so easy to say, get over it, or get on with it, or give it some time, but when your the person in that landscape, none of it means anything. We sometimes get attached to our negetive feelings, they become entrenched, and our mental and emotional states morph as a result. You can call it addiction, depression, mood disoreder, chip on your shoulder, whatever, but the reality is it hurts, it demeans us as well as others, and it seems to never stop. The infintite tragedy and beauty of it is enought to make or break a man or women. Really the only advice one can legitimetly give is to make yourself the best person you can be, and try to love yourself and keep yourself open. Hopefully the other people involved can do the same and at some point in life perhaps our journeys cross, and find ourselves more mature, experienced, forgiving, understanding and with a better grasp of what is important and what is not. It some powerful stuff, the love between a father and son, and so can the hate, but if your one to believe that both emotions are two sides of the same coin, then it sort of makes sense. Im not too sure if im even making a point, or if i even really need to. You know what your hearts says, and when your ready youll listen to it. I hope the same can be said of your father. Much luck bro_ peace+respect shak
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Dec 20, 05
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parents are people too..sometimes people forget that..there not super heros..there not superior to anyone else..there people
ive had over 5 stepdads and my birthfather is on deathrow...id love to have a father in my life...even if he was a shitty one..and didnt understand me, but i dont know u dood and im not gonna pry i dont know the situation, but most of the time when someone feels someone else has to change..it usually means that that person has to do some changin of their own
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Dec 20, 05
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^now everything makes perfect sense.
thanks. Anyways back to the matter at hand.What does hating someone do?Not much.Life is too short to hate,you can choose to hate or you can choose to forgive and not dwell on it and just accept it.Accepting things doesnt mean you have to understand them,understanding them will just make you hate because its virtually impossible to understand someone elses reasoning. I used to hate my father,but then I realized it was stupid.I learned to accept the fact I`ll never be close to him and Ive stopped trying to understand the reason why. And today,Im a better person for it.
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Dec 22, 05
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hmmm...It's weird. When I was younger I used to really REALLY hate my dad. We never ever got along or saw eye to eye. About a year after he died I had a dream that him and I were talking and saying all the things that we never could or would say when he was alive. I just remember the end of the dream when I looked at him and said: "I want you to know I'm not mad at you anymore." He said thank you and walked out of the room. I have never had another dream about him after that. It was a weight off my shoulders.
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Dec 22, 05
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Dec 22, 05
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My dad and I had a horrible relationship ever since I turned 13 and started having a mind of my own. He kicked me out when I was 14 and I started living on the street part-time because I didn't want to tell my mom that I was really sleeping in the alley when I was supposed to be at my dad's.
I didn't speak to him for four years and then circumstances sort of pointed to me moving back into the house (after being on my own) at age 18. Worst idea ever. We raged for about six months and I was back out again. It took years for me to even start to forgive him, to see his good qualities, to realize that part of it could have to do with him never having a father himself and not knowing how to behave. But he still continued to treat me with condescension and arrogance until one day my boyfriend stood up to him, called him on his immature behaviour, and ever since he's been nothing but gentle and calm. Parents are only human.. and some of them never quite understand how to be parents. But I totally feel for you - and I believe there is hope for a good relationship in the future.
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