|
|||||||
| Mind and Body Ask for advice or offer some. Keep it work safe clean. |
 |
|
|
LinkBack | Topic Tools | Rate Topic |
May 22, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
how do u tell a friend you don't like their personality?
well not all of it, just parts of it.
BLAH so a friend of mine came back into my life after about 5 years. we went to elementary and highschool together and then we kinda lost touch like everyone does after highschool. he moved away, and a few months ago...came back. he randomly stopped by my house one day, and it was exciting to see him. we started hanging out, going for lunch, going out to clubs, watching movies...regular friend stuff. another friend of mine developed a little crush on him...so they were hanging out a lot together as well. and of course i introduced him to the rest of my friends. things were fine at first, he came and stayed at my house one weekend, and my parents loved having him here. recently however i don't want anything to do with him he has this HORRIBLE habit of taking peoples cell phones and reading thru all the text messages, calling random people, or txting them weird things. he isnt that funny, and is SSSOOOOOO mellow that i feel i have to overcompensate in my outgoingness. hes homophobic, and i shy away from introducing him to certain people. while my cousins were here from scotland he started going off about "stpud chuggs" and how he hates all first nations people. so not cool. and this is how THIS weekend went: friday he came over, and wouldnt lighten up, another friend brought his brand new g/f over to meet everyone for the first, and he took her cell phone and tried to call her work, called some other random people on her contact list, and then txt msg'd her boss. he then threw down one of our antique dining room chairs for no good reason. saturday: i woke up and he was cleaning my kitchen (thats nice..but seriously frustrating becuase if you are a guest in my house..YOU R A GUEST) you can clean up your own mess...but dont worry about everyone elses...i get a little o.c. about this) then we all made breakfast and that was cool, and the other 2 people left...but he stayed...and stayed and stayed and stayed. we didnt really talk, i had nothing to say. he finally left he then randomly showed up at my house a few hours later and just came in and sat down. he had to go for dinner with his dad, then he CAME BACK...he got really drunk really fast he walked into my brothers disgusting room, and when i asked him to leave he wouldnt. i asked him again, and he walked further into my room, not giving any good reason for being in there. i literally had to drag him OUT. so then he went downstairs and pouted, and when a g/f of mine went downstairs to get a drink, he threw the remote for our tv across the room. sunday: there were 2 of them that slept over, him and my bestest (the one with the crush...she got over that real fast)... we woke up at 9...he was cleaning again, we asked him to stop cause he was being loud, but he wouldnt. whatever. we were joking around that we wanted cake...so he went and got some, plus 2 movies that he intended on watching here. i wanted to go out and do stuff, but have a nap first, so after 5 hours of hinting i finally turned to him and told him to leave in 5 minutes... he has the nerve to say to me "wow you really make me feel welcome here" i wanted to scream that he had been there for like 46 hours..and i wanted some ALONE TIME! how hard is that to understand? i dont like to be around people all the time..cant stand it. we're not dating so fuck off and go home. then he txt msgd me 4 times last night to do something. and i told him i was busy. and then he txt msgd me 7 times today to do something. i told him at one point that i had to clean and read my marketing book he again had the nerve to say to me "well i would come over and help you clean but i know that you wouldn't want me there" grrr. how do i tell him nicely that hes being fucking annoying and he needs to find some kind of a hobby or something? that i cant spend every waking minute with him? and that when my entire family is away for the long weekend for the first time in all my life that all i want is a little time to enjoy it? i know it was a long read...theres more to it...but im gonna stop now. grrr 
|
|
May 22, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
Sounds like you've already tried to be nice.
"Where Zen ends, ass kicking begins!" If you cant nicely tell him (as I think you already have), then its time to be upfront and direct. Its never any fun to be that way, but sometimes you have to be with some people!
|
|
May 22, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
becuase i have never confronted him about this, and becuase i have never seen anyone else confront him about anything like this before, i dont know what kind of reaction there will be.
should i mention that some of the neediness and clinginess MAY come from him being cheated on by his fiancee ..they were together for like 7 years. fuck.
|
|
May 22, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
But you said he was gone for like 5 years right? People can change!
Needieness is one thing. Being rude is no excuse! Maybe tell him upfront once! If he continues, tell him you can no longer have him around your house if he keeps acting like that. Joke or no joke, with the phone thing, thats invading privacy! If someone grabed my phone and started calling my work and whatnot, Id be a little more then verbal with him!
|
|
May 22, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
Im not loosing my job cuz some numpty thinks texting my boss would be funny!
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
I know it sounds too simple...But if you dont like someone's personality dont be their friend.....Everyone has different perceptions of people...let him be with someone who doesnt veiw him as annoying... and hang out with someone who doesn't annoy you
Last edited by Sarah...; May 26, 06 at 02:42 PM.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
uhhh be as brutally honest as possible.
the people that care about you most are the ones that are going to tell you shit you dont want to hear.if he isnt that much of a fucking tool he`ll recognize that and appreciate your feedback. if he doesnt drop him because hes a socially inept moron that needs therapy:)
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
I'm usually all for that "be nice, stay calm, try to reason" hippie bullshit, but when it comes down to that type of shit I pull out the "remove yourself, or be removed like the cancerous tumour you are" attitude.
Like karma, hospitality and kindness only come to those who apply it themselves.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
I've had friends that changed (or maybe it was me?) over time into people that I really couldnt stand hanging out with.
The solution is simple. Dont make plans with them, if they try to make plans wit you, tell em yer busy. I applaud you for being patient and trying to be understanding. But face it, the guy is a douche and will probably bring you hella Drama if he hasnt already.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
yes, as horrible as it sounds being honest with the person is the best thing to do. You will either feel horrible for telling them but then eventually get over it or you will continue to feel shitty about ignoring them and dragging them on and have that feeling of guilt. I know how it sucks, b/c I've been in that situation before and I know how it feels to be ignored and it's frustrating.
From the sounds of it, he really needs a wake up call! It sucks how ppl do change some for the worst. I'm going through a similar situation with a friend of mine right now. And I'm about to give up! Good luck with it all!
|
|
May 23, 06
|
||||
|
||||
|
Stop inviting him to stay?
Honestly, yeah, give him a smarten up lecture. He may resent you for it at first but it's the only way to deal with it. Focus more on behaviour, though, not the person. No reason to start becoming a psychologist and remind him of his ex-fiance. Be more "this is what you've been doing and I want this to stop" rather than "This is what you are and I don't like you." Usually if you approach the latter he's just going to take it personally and will most definately resent you at this point. Finally, fuck, houseguest that's not allowed to do dishes? I understand if he's being loud but I was always taught to leave the world just a little bit better than you found it. Sometimes that means doing someone else's dishes. No reason to hate on a guest because they want to leave you with less work.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
^^^ i dont invite him to stay. i have once. and now hes taken it as an open invitation to never leave.
im obsessive compulsive with things like cleaning, if you are a long term guest than its understandable, but i dont know, it makes me feel like a bad hostess and like i cant handle it myself. dont know why...dont ask .... ive ALWAYS been like this...i cant explain it. i would rather clean up and do it myself. ive been struggling with this for a few days now...actually i think its been weeks, it just finally got to the point of wanting to scream this weekend. and im so stuck. i think i should come out and say it, but somehow ignoring him is just SO MUCH easier...and thats not good either. i dont want to be a complete bitch. i dont want to make him feel unappreciated, and like no one ever wants to hang out with him again, then again, i just dont want to hang out with him. fuck.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
^okay,you call yourself a friend and have the audacity to shit on bad aspects of his character...and yet,youre prefectly content taking the easy spineless way out by ignoring him?
can we say fucking hypocrite? by the looks of it youre two peas in a fucking pod. the honorable thing to do is confront him about his shortcomings,and hopefully in turn he`ll confront you on yours. good riddence.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
if you just ignore & ditch the guy not only will you look like the asshole, but he won't know about it becuz nobody is willing to tell him.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
the best way, is the strait up honest way. tell him like it is, if he still dosn't relize what hes doing. then....thats that. .dalyn.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
i never said i was GOING to ignore him, i would never do that. it would just be easier.
its always easier hoping your problems will just go away. i am not the kind of person to ignore someone when it comes to something like this. dont take what i said the wrong way.
|
|
May 23, 06
|
|||
|
|||
|
maybe you should explain to him, that back then you guys may have been best of friends, and the few weeks you hung out when you met him again was fun because it gave you a chance to catch up on old times, but now you both have grown into different people with different personalities, and if he understands he will back off. and make it clear to him that you are not going to ignore him and would still like to keep in touch sometimes, not all the time.
|
