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Aug 21, 06
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When you find out your parents want to divorce.
After 25 years of being married, my dad comes up and tells me he is thinking of splitting it off with my mom. I was pretty shocked and upset at first. I can understand that he may be having problems with his relationship, but he wont even consider counselling or help from others. Dont get me wrong i love my dad but he can be the most anti social person i know. How can you know what a person feels if they never speak about it. No wonder he has no relationship with his side of the family anymore. I hope he realizes how much my mom helps him out and that he does stil need her. Im old enough to be mature about the whole situation but i cant help but feel sad for the both of them. After 25 years has it really come to this????? If it does comes to this i hope they both find peace in one way or another Anyone else gone through this sort of thing? What did you do to help ?? Or who did you see for help?
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Aug 21, 06
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its hard.... I hope it works out as best as possible for you.
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Aug 21, 06
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If it makes you feel any better, it's easier to go through the second time around.
But seriously. At the end of the day, it's their shit and emotional baggage that they have to sort out, not you. It's one of the hardest things you'll go through and it sucks, simple as that. It hurts like hell to see people we love angry , hurt, and lost. The biggest thing you can do right now is be there when they start to get down, which doesn't involve hearing about your mother/father being a fuckup. Sepereating from each other is going to be the equivelant of starting their lives over. Our parents aren't the rock solid gods we thought they were when we were five. We all need hugs to remind us we're human. Hang tight and keep your chin up man, it's going to be alright. For everyone. Last edited by Goat; Aug 21, 06 at 08:27 PM.
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Aug 21, 06
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Wow hun, sorry to hear that. I'm here if you need me. <3
I went through a similar thing like that not too long ago. My parents even started going through all the proceedings and everything, it was really hard on all of us. To make matters worse my mom's lawyer served him with divorce papers on their 25th anniversary. But a few months later they decided to reconcile.
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Aug 21, 06
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its always so hard..im so sorry to here this:( i went thru it twice.
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Aug 21, 06
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i think ill be able to manage, its just them i worry about. I wont be around that much when im older, i will have a family of my own. I just dont want them to be alone when they are in there later years.
thanks everyone for your help
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Aug 21, 06
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Sometimes its just for the better... my parents split up about 5 yrs ago now I think, after about 25 yrs or so together. When my father they told me, I couldnt have been happier. They were miserable together, mainly due to a lack of communication. I asked why it hadnt been sooner? The break up was a wake up call for him and now hes changed completely... I honestly couldnt be more proud of him or my mother for that matter. The amount they have grown in the past couple yrs has really amazed me.
Basically what I am getting at is that perhaps this is move in the right direction. Everyone would like to see there parents work things out and stay together but maybe think about what would be best for them, which sometimes is parting ways.
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Aug 21, 06
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yeah when it came time for me to leave the nest my mom told me her and my stepdad were getting a split.
I thought it was weird and it was so hard for me to come to terms with thinking about my mom living all by herself, but the good part is her and my stepdad stayed such good friends he would always be over in a second to help her out if she needed it. I think its far better for them to split while things are still cool and there's still a chance things can be amicable, it's better for everyone involved. The weird part? My mom and stepdad are getting back together after like six years of being apart and I feel weirder about that than I do for them splitting up. anyways it's hard for us to swallow thinking about our parents being hurt, but this might be for the better, and it might not even happen. Remember that.
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Aug 21, 06
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thats shitty news dude.
my folks split up when i was just a little kid, and it really sucked hope things look up for ya
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Aug 21, 06
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I am now telling my mom to go talk with my dad, communication is a major component in a relationship, wether by themselfs or with a counciler. 25 years is a long time and they should not just give up
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Aug 22, 06
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My parents split up when I was young. I didnt understand it then and I hated them for splitting up and not having a "family" however it worked out for the best...Maybe when people spend too much time together they need that time away specially after its been so long. People grow and change with different age and they find out more about themselves everyday.
Don't think that they made a mistake with each other, Its more of a learning experience. and who knows maybe they will get back together.
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Aug 22, 06
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Divorce is a difficult thing for people to handle..and even worse when the children dont understand.
My parents have been seperated for 5 years..and it still fucking shocks me..and I cant think about it without wanting to cry. My whole life they always fought..and definately didnt have a perfect relationship, but I still thought they were fucking selfish to up and seperate our family. But in the end..I was the selfish one. I didnt care if they were happy..I only wanted myself to be happy..and I wouldnt be if they were apart. My mom is engaged to a guy shes been with for 3.5 years and he is a great guy..but I still cant give him the type of love and respect I have for my dad. Both of my parents were better off together, then how they are living now..buts its their life, and they deserve to be happy..no matter how it makes me feel. Its taken me a long time to understand that they didnt wake up one morning and decide to get a divorce..they had obviously been headed in that direction for years.. It still hurts to see your family broken. ANYWAYS, the point of my rambling is that im sure you dad isnt making a hasty decision, its probably something he has thought long and hard about for a lost time. Encouraging councelling might help, but it could also make things harder. I really hope everything turns out the way its suppose too.. =D
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Aug 22, 06
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I have gone thru this and it was very hard at first and took quite a long time to accept. But to be completely honest, it was the best thing they could have done. They were not happy together, even after 20 years. But they are both remarried now and are with people who are better for them. So i am glad they could both find happiness again. :)
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Aug 22, 06
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My mom and dad divorced when I was really young, 2 and a half and even then I was still affected at it. I was mad at my mom for splitting up with him and mad that all of the sudden Daddy wasn't around all the time. It's normal to sort of blame one of the parents, but I realized that my mom was doing this for me for the best and in the end it was the best solution for everyone, including myself. Just be there for your parents, go out with your dad and hae dinner or something, take your mom shopping, trips with your parents just alone and be there for them. You don't have to talk to them abotu what's happening but knowing that they have a son who is with them no matter if they are married or not will definitely help them through things and who knows maybe they will decide against it. If the situation does come up in conversation, push them towards counselling or give your perspective on the situation. You dad could also be thinking about this because maybe he's not cool with himself, and this is his way of dealing with it. Who knows. Hang in there Darren
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