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Nov 09, 07
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How do men view young women as co-workers?
I am curious to know how men view young women in particularl at the work place. Do you trust them less? Feel they will do something wrong? Even if she has all of the qualifications and enough experince... do you still feel they just cant cut it like a male could? Can men deal with young women running the show?
Im in a very frustrating position working with a much older age male. I am so frustrated because this person is NOT flexible, reliable, prompt, or including me in important team decision making. I am there to do all of that, but he tries to do everything on his own and than complains hes too busy. Even though I am just as qualified and technically MORE responsible for the program than he is. I just find that over all he is manipulating things to go his way and possibly in fear that I will "take over". However how can he run things if he is so busy doing other things? If I left the program, it would be done for. I know im young, but at the same time I feel like im working with my dad. One staff member suggested that being female probably makes him think he can walk all over me and get away with things. So how do I get him to respect me and treat me as the equal co-worker that I am? How do I tell him that im not going to put up with his manipulating and control? I am so thankful to have him as a co-worker, but I am so offended at the same time. Last edited by R Wellbelove; Nov 11, 07 at 06:15 PM. 
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Nov 09, 07
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Regardless of any sex, it really comes down to the individual. Are they "fit" for the job? I've come across some great people personally at work. But there work ethics are absolutely horrible.
If your trying to work your way to the top on your job, then you shouldn't be concerned on the workload or work ethics of your co-worker. Otherwise if you continue to wrap your mind around about a person that just complains and is not flexible or reliable, then you will find yourself doing the same thing.
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Nov 09, 07
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i doubt it has anything to do with the fact that ur a girl.
sounds like some old timer who is just set in his ways.
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Nov 09, 07
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tell him to cut the bullshit straight up.
This isn't about you being a girl, its about you being the new kid. I think the first step in gaining this old coot's respect is to be assertive when things he does bother you. whenever I start new jobs there is always the period of being the new kid when if I act to nice, there will be some jerk who will try to take advantage of it. You've gotta let them know what you'll put up with before it bothers you too much and you blow up one day. I've gone from being the nice kid at work to being the "holy shit, whats wrong with that guy" guy at work a few times because I'd shrug things off rather than confront them because I didn't want to create tension at work.
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Nov 09, 07
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You get treated by how you allow people to treat you. Don't act so cute then.
The less cute you act, the more serious they will take you. I have this problem where with some asian girls... knowing how innocently cute they can sometimes be - I tend to take them less seriously for that particular reason. And they are simply asking to be treated that way anyway. If they acted more professional and wouldn't giggle about every little thing - I'd feel more business like around them. But since they are acting like big babies... that's what they get. So like I said - it's how you condition the people around you to treat you. Condition them to treat you more seriously and on a professional level - and that's what you'll get!
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Nov 09, 07
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hes mad cuz hes an old has been and youre a fresh face with better ideas and more clout...throw a vagina into the mix and youve got a classic case of a man feeling like less of a man because a younger WOMAN has more power then he does.
confront him,not that he'll admit to it but as long as you call him on his bullshit he'll either stop or turn it down a bit.
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Nov 09, 07
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rhia has got to be the most professional person i have had the priviledge of working with. she does not act cute or innocent or a baby. she carries herself with confidence and doesnt let people push her around. just because she is tiny, does not mean she plays that up. chances are, none of the women you are dealing with aren't acting that way either, you are just a chauvinist. Last edited by Avana; Nov 09, 07 at 02:05 PM.
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Nov 09, 07
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grils r dum lol
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Nov 09, 07
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Nov 09, 07
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And for anyone that said she was being cute, like Avana said, Rhia is more professional than colleagues I know that are twice her age. I have worked personally with Rhia in this field and know the caliber of her work. That said, Rhia you need to confront him, or your superior. I would try him first, and if that doesn't work, have your supervisor sit down with the two of you and work out the kinks. You have worked FAR too hard to have someone disregard your passion and experience like this. Good luck!
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Nov 09, 07
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I agree with Nev. You need to have a sit down with him and your supervisor. I wouldn't do it just you and him because it's always safe to have a witness. Your conversation should be documented so if his behavior continues corrective action can follow.
I'm pretty lucky. I work for a man who puts his 100% trust (and sometimes more, lol) in me but makes it OK to fail. Honestly, I couldn't ask for a more awesome boss - I've had some terrible ones in the past - having a great boss REALLY make a difference!
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Nov 09, 07
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Nov 09, 07
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You can be the most professional worker out there, and the coolest person around - but if people treat you like shit (or to be more polite - not how you 'deserve' to be treated)... then you've done that to yourself. It is a known fact that we as humans are capable of defeating our own purpose... and if things are not going our way, then it's no one else's fault but our own. Sorry but it's true.
And because I don't see it as being the old man's fault in this case, you can keep on throwing as much hate as you want (I thrive on FNK hate)... cause you'll also never see things the way I do.
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Nov 09, 07
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Thank you to those for your advice! Its really tough to explain the situation with out giving out to much publicly.
For those who dont know me, I dont play cute or bat my eyelashes at all in my job. This isnt an issue of getting what I want, its an issue of trying to earn respect, trust, and being recognized as an equal professional. I have always been young in my field and look it even more. Therefore I have always felt the pressure to work harder and act more professional to earn respect, recognition, and prove that I am just as capable if not more, as my co-workers. In regards to the situation, its almost like working with someone who continues to do stuff their way no matter what and doesn't always take my ideas into consideration. Thats great if he wants to do the work, but I often find hes going along with step 2 before doing step 1 with out discussing this with me. Maybe im a organized freak or maybe he just cant let go that he doesn't work with us anymore? I do have great support from my management about the situation, but I hesitated to bring it up with the big boss as most of hte issues seem small and petty. But maybe it is a young female issue since management is willing to help deal with him man to man. However I cant always have a male co-worker to the rescue and would like to learn how to deal with it myself. Besides my whole situation, Im still curious if men view women any different? What characteristics do you respect/disrespect? Last edited by R Wellbelove; Nov 09, 07 at 05:35 PM.
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Nov 09, 07
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curious, what is it about his behavior that makes you think its related to the fact you are a young female? seems that could be a bit of an assumption on your part. He could very well act that way with a young male, or any other demographic background/classification.
Last edited by Jonny Dubbs; Nov 09, 07 at 05:42 PM.
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Nov 09, 07
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Age discrimination works both ways Rhia. I don't know the whole story, but are you sure it's due to your sex? It could be purely based on age which of course is no better. Anyway,I've been through it regarding both sex and age and it is very unfortunate but I found all I could do in situations like that was give it time. I find most people who are age discrimanatory have pre concieved assumptions but once they actually see you acting differently than those assumptions they start to give you more respect. They realize you don't fall into their (very unfair) stereotypes. I understand that you shouldn't have to put up with it and that this may not seem like a fair way to deal with it but I have found it to be pretty successful, in my cases at least. If that's not the route you want to take though, you should consider talking to him directly and if that doesn't work then take it to the next level. No one deserves to be treated that way at work, especially when they are a highly qualified, good worker.
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Nov 09, 07
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Seriously, do you get all your "insights" from listening to Tom Lykes? Last edited by dj_soo; Nov 09, 07 at 07:54 PM.
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