another chance with an ex...

christof · #1 (**permalink**) Dec 11, 02

in the next little while an ex of mine (whom i spent 8months of my life with) and got very close to is coming back from halifax. i'll give you a brief history of my relationship with her. basically after 8months of being together we were at the point of constant fights and pretty much at the point of breaking up. now here comes the doozy and that is that she ended up cheating on me with a number of guys and that is what in the end broke us up. now im not saying that i was totally faithful the entire time either but the difference was that i only cheated on her with one other girl (and in that it wasnt even anything more then kissing, touching etc) whereas she cheated on me with numerious guys (dont even wanna think about the number right now, kinda makes me sick to my stomach....)

now on to the present time, she calls me every once in a while telling me she is truly sorry and that she still loves me and she wants to get back together when she gets back (which is on the 15th of this month). but i dont have a clue what to do, part of me wants to get back together with her and part of me wants to tell her that she disgusts me and to fuck off. what do you all think i should do? keep in mind that listening to my heart isnt an option cuz my heart is so all over the place right now i dont know what to think. thanx in advance for all the serious replies
peace

Ragga_Wh0re · #2 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

ex`s r ex`s for a reason and DO NOT forget ur reasons.

The same stuff happened with me n my ex except i was the only one who cheated but he was always away on "business". Anyways we broke it off and then in the summer we ran into eachother down town and i thought i still loved him b4 i saw him but when i saw him i realized how much i fuckin hated him for neglecting me.
so probabally the same shit will happen 2 u 2 when u see ur ex if u do.

dont forget ur reasons

yourlilbaby · #3 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

i afctually agreee with godessa

sungoo · #4 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

yes, restarting a relationship based off a foundation of cheating.

I can't remember the quote or who said it but... something like.
when you're burned once, it's the fires fault. when you're burned again, it's your fault.

SEAN! · #5 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

...she can only hurt you man.

natasha · #6 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

ex's who cheated will remain cheaters! why can't they just end it up before going on with other people....

i guess they want "pleasures" at one time...

Pegasus · #7 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

i agree with goddessa.
theres reasons why an ex is an ex, and some ppl just forget that..
but its your choice
follow your heart.

:)

Pegasus · #8 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

lol i just read that last sentence of your first post :P
heh

i say move on.
:keebler:

Twista · #9 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

Quote:

Originally posted by Klaus
yes, restarting a relationship based off a foundation of cheating.

I can't remember the quote or who said it but... something like.
when you're burned once, it's the fires fault. when you're burned again, it's your fault.

It isn't a direct quote, I don't think...more of a 'saying' and it's actually "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

Still actually works for this situation though...

And I also think you should avoid this girl. Even hanging out with her, etc may be a problem if she REALLY wants to get back together and you two are super comfortabel around each other.......something may happen that you don't truly want.

LoveKat · #10 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

people assume that if a person cheats once, then they will cheat again. usually there is really nothing to back that statemet up. it is just a generalization created out of fear and an easy loophole to escape from their feelings.

i am not telling you to run back to your ex though. it is obvious that you have not dealt with your own emotions and baggage surrounding the way that she treated you in the past. she might actually be a changed person, because yes people can change, everyone! in the end though, you might be the one bringing more issues into the relationship by not letting go of the past.

if you seriously care about this girl, then i think that you should really think about what happened to you two before. have you guys talked about the affairs? why they happened? your feelings surrounding it? it might seem harsh and might bring up bad blood, but these are things that need to be dealt with before you are able to move on.

my last boyfriend had an affair and i had trouble dealing with it. but i did my best to understand. this involved open communication between the two of us and the ability for me to ask any question concerning it. ironically enough, i was able to deal with the situation better than he did and it was his own guilt which ended up tearing us apart in the end, along with other uncontrolable and unrelated circumstances.

for the first six months after our breakup, our conversations ended in fights filled with blame and misunderstanding. now we have reached a point in our friendship where we are able to be close again and not let the mistakes of a few nights to destroy what exists between us. we are not together now, but that idea has not been thrown off the table. we are rediscovering each other again.

i hope that my advice and my story helped out a bit. you really need to look inside yourself before you take the next step

*huggles*

the truth! · #11 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

Dude,the same shit happened to me!!I fell totally obsessively in love with a girl who slept around with an obscene amount of people when we were best friends. I loved her more than life itself I would and did do anything for her. She dated alot of guys,cheated on all of them,lied to all of them.She lied to me as well.She loved me and eventually fell in love with me.Well guess what happened, she continued to lie to me and cheated on me.I was heart broken but still in love .She broke up with me for the guy she cheated on me with. She cheated on him with me they broke up and I went back out with her,well she cheated on me again(kissing)broke up with me the next day. fucked this guy that same night,whom she just met the day before.I still have very mixed feeling for her.I hate her and I still love her. Trust me you can rationalize anything if your heart is stronger than your brain. just remember if she really loved you she wouldn't have fucked alot of other guys while saying that she loved you.If you do go out with her always think when you leave her she is going straight to her phone telling one of her other boyfriends how much she loves them and horney she is and how much she wants them to come over and fuck her. Fuck her dude she is a player.Move on.She has no respect or love for you or herself.Trust me, my ex doesn't and by taking her back I lost all my dignity and alot of the respect from my friends.

galaxie · #12 (**permalink**) Dec 12, 02

Chris, I know the two of you well enough to say that I think this is a bad idea.

She's a nice girl, and you're a nice guy...but for some reason you two have these problems, and I don't think that you both can put the past behind you and start fresh. I think that you still harbour a lot of hurt from what she did to you, and I think that she still harbours that hurt as well, albeit from different things.

Like goddessa said, she's an ex for a reason...there's no reason why you two can't be friends, but I wouldn't suggest jumping into anything with her too quickly.

Hang out, talk, and see where things go. Don't have a predetermined though of "the way it is going to be" in your head. Go with the flow, and see how you feel after you guys spend some time together. Personally, with what I know, you both need to work on being friends and trusting each other again before you can get into anything serious.

G'luck =)