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Mar 02, 04
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argh, I'm so torn with this whole situation I appreciate all of your replies, shared experiences, and advice. I think I'm gonna have to do what my heart tells me here - I'm sticking to plan A - stay together now, break up if we feel the need while he's down there. I mean, there haven't been any problems YET, so it doesn't make sense to me to break up now. thanks all =) 
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Mar 02, 04
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I realize that it's like sending him to Temptation Island (funny, his mom jokingly said the same thing), but I do trust him, and if it works out I'll know that we're meant to be together, whereas if he didn't go and everything worked out fine, I know that I'd always think "what if?".
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Mar 02, 04
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I thought long and hard before answering
cause i know you really have your heart set on how you'll deal with this situation and since you are such an amazing gal I know that your boy likely doens't want to break up over this either and I agree, breaking up now while you're happy and together would be ridiculous but 6 months from now while he's away..what if you meet someone who knocks you off your feet? How will you tell him that? Sure you run that risk whether he stays or goes, but if either one of you meets someone else..it's really hard to tell the person who is waiting for you -- 'Well i found someone else', cause when you 2 are reunited, there will be some hurt feelings there and it would be really hard (i think ) to re access if y'all break up while he's away I watched my best gal pal go through this just this past year. And her experiences while she's been away has changed a part of her and she met someone knew and watching her boyfriend at home get the news was heart breaking esentially he'd been waiting for 6 months for her, not exploring his own options and then it turns out it was for nothing and there was a little bitterness there and that's totally understandable A year can go by quickly, but think of how much changes too Certainlly if there is anyone worth waiting for - it's you I know your heart is telling you STAY TOGETHER, but don't forget your head too :)
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Mar 02, 04
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I can't imagine going through that, when my boyfriend left and I was without him for a month waiting to join him in Costa Rica... I went crazy!
Bottom line is you are going to do what your heart tells you no matter what any one says, and personally I think that's the way to go. I do agree what others are saying but I also truly beleive that a year is not that long. Couples break up after being together for years all the time, so whats waiting one year for a guy you obviously deeply care about. If it doesn't work out and something should happen to break you too up, atleast you're used to living your day to day life with out seeing him. Not to say it wouldn't break your heart, but might make things a little easier. And like you said, this could show the stregth of the relationship. If you are meant to be you'll stay together through this and although you'll both be different when he returns, together is where you'll be happy. I don't know, just some thoughts. I've never been through this myself and everyone is different so if your heart is telling you hold onto this guy no matter what, and he wants to do the same, then see how things go. I know that in the end everything always turns out and everything happens for a reason. Best of luck :)
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Mar 02, 04
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If I were in your shoes, I would stick to the same decision that you're making right now Nat.
I had a long distance relationship for 2.5 years that didn't survive the gap (thank God), but one year shouldn't be that bad. Like everyone has said, take it one step at a time... And call me. Best advice ever. *Jen*
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Mar 02, 04
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6 months in mexico same situation i am in right now.
Message Erin see what she has to say. I wont say anythign casue i dont want to make u sad
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Mar 03, 04
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LOTS OF CALLS CASINO BABY!
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Mar 03, 04
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Awww babe I feel 4 yah
my "first love" had to move to Florida and it all happened just like that... i hateed it.. and trust me.. long distant relasionships do not work!!! ur not fair to urself if u wait a year! think about it its a whole year of ur life! then when ur lover comes back.. start over from there... try not to stress about it tho :( i know its hard
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Mar 03, 04
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You;ve only been dating for THREE MONTHS?!!??!?!?!
and you are willing to stay together whilst apart for a YEAR? um.... ok then?
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Mar 03, 04
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^ IMO, how long we've been together has nothing to do with it, it has everything to do with how strongly we feel for one another.
Also, it's not like we have the type of relationship where we see each other a couple of times a week - we're literally inseperable. Pretty much since we started going out we've seen each other every day, since Christmas we've spent maybe two or three nights apart. We pretty much live together. anyways, to each their own and fine. If I get fucked over, I give you full rights to "I told ya so"s. But I don't feel like that's going to happen.
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Mar 03, 04
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well, enjoy :kimmie:
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Mar 03, 04
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^^Nat, Isn't that the way you've been with most of your boyfriends though?
It has do to with both strength of feelings and length of the relationship. 3 months isn't that much. You can only really grow together with someone so much in 3 months. I've fallen super duper hardcore in love with girls before, thought they were the one.. then it kinda wore off and I felt like a dumbass for it. If he's gonna be away for a year, and you two have only been together for 3 months, then you should break up before he leaves. It doesn't mean you don't love each other anymore, it's just freeing you guys up from each other. Otherwise, you get to sit here for a year wondering if he's actually being truthful when he tells you "I miss you love you, haven't cheated and such" And he gets to feel guilty everytime he sees a hawt girl and gets a hardon (Which I'm sure will be often at Med) If you guys are meant to be, then you'll pick things back up in a year when he comes back.
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Mar 03, 04
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with my last bf, yes, but not within the first three months, maybe after 6 months or more anyways, I appreciate your concern and opinion I guess I just know that I have a great guy, and I know I won't wonder if he's being truthful or not because he's not that type of person - he's never lied to me before and vice-versa...I suppose the plethora of posters can't know that because they don't know him (or me, for that matter)....I guess that's why Jay's advice is so different from everyone else's - he's knows me like no one else, he knows my bf and he's seen us together and how we are... like I said, I have to go with my heart and like Maryah said, I'll listen to my head too, because my head's telling me the same thing as my heart What I wanted in posting this was advice from people who have been in my situation on how to get through the day to day without him at first, how they communicated, what difficulites they found (other than the obvious) and how they overcame them. I never wanted to know opinions in regards to if I should break up with him or not because my mind was already set, and it still is. and again, like I said feel free to "I told ya so" in the end if you were right and I was wrong but no one can predict the future and I'll never be happy unless I take risks
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Mar 03, 04
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Oh my... an interesting situation indeed. Some very valid points have been made here as well.
Like me, you are stuborn and will do what you want, and that's okay. Jingles nailed it about also using your brain in this one and not just your heart. -- The reality is that you are young... I put myself in his situation, and if I was flying to paradise and working for 6 months or longer at Club Med of all places, that in itself is a once in a lifetime opportunity for most people! In that type of environment and situation, opportunities would present themself time and time again. If I am not mistaken, I believe Club Med is primarily for single people isn't it? -- At least a lot of single people do go on these type of trips. I am not questioning the strength of the relationship you both have with one another. If you do love/care for him, I think you owe it to him to give him the freedom to do what he wants for this time period. You also owe it to yourself to give yourself that same freedrom should another opportunity present itself while he is gone. -- We are talking about 6 months plus here and not a simple vacation of 2 weeks. If after a 6 month period, he comes home, has experienced everything he needs/wants to and you two still have feelings for one another then go for it. I commend you for your loyalty, the respect for you have for this relationship and devotion to him BUT, just remember everything else that goes along with this. Good luck!
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Mar 04, 04
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It wont work Im telling you
phone calls its $10 for 20 minutes I was the same way
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Mar 04, 04
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most of the advice you are getting, galaxie, is from people who have been through this situation.
if you didn;t want people's advice, why ask for it? i can understand how you feel. i felt that way too when i was in that situation. listen to Kraig, he has many valid points. he said it way better than i could.
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Mar 04, 04
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Mar 04, 04
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^ ok then
here's one: CALL HIM A LOT ... (is he gonna be around a phone? how viable is that? ) i used to talk with my b/f for at least an HOUR a night. but then again, he wasn;t in a different country E-MAIL HIM A LOT... (is he going to check his e-mail every day?) POST ON THE SAME MESSAGE BOARD (again, is he online a lot?) CHAT OVER MSN (need i say more?) WRITE HIM LETTERS/HE CAN WRITE YOU LETTERS (does he like communicating with the written word? is he a romantic letter writer?) we used to send each other packages and cards and shit. twas lovely. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: we go to see each other every month or so. we only ever went 4 or 5 weeks without seeing each other. it was great. this worked for me, to an extent. but again, he was in the same country i was. and it was still hella stressful. HAPPY NOW???? :moon: Last edited by *spacecase*; Mar 04, 04 at 01:42 PM.
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Mar 04, 04
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it wont work
YOu will experence pain you never thought was possable. Trust me i have it right now as a type. Its great just great
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Mar 04, 04
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I'd only do it if you genuinely felt it was worth it. Of course it can work, but only with some sacrifices and costs to overall well being. Sometimes, no matter how cool things can seem with someone, the good doesn't always necessarily outweigh the bad.
I've come to really love and need space while in a relationship, which can make distance bearable...but then there's those days when you just want that person there, when you actually think you NEED them there and it just doesn't happen...and don't even get me started on the sexual frustration :p If you want to try it, try it....but only if they're worth it
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