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Jun 05, 06
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I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. There is no easy answer. I was with mine for 3 1/2 years and though my friends would constantly tell me that she is bad for me, she was using me and that she was manipulating me (which to this day I do not believe to be true). I loved her and told them that they should accept my decision. Things didnt work out between the two of us, we broke up, she jerked me around for 6 months after that, and I guess it all turned out to be somewhat true. Were the good times worth the bad? Yes, I will always remember her (the way she used to be, she became just as cheap and shallow as a lot of the girls in this town, fnk'rs excluded of course ;) ) and I will always treasure the memories of the times we had together, regardless of the negative impact they had on different parts of my life.
The moral of the story? Listen to your friends? Listen to you heart? Listen to reason? There is no definate answer. When it comes to loveing somone, you need to try your best to see things from a different perspective. Because love is blind, deaf, and dumb. 
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Jun 05, 06
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How old are you two? How did you two meet? Why havent you dumped her ass yet?
These are the answers im looking for, if a girl that youve only been dating for 10 months is already mentioning marriage then I think its safe to assume she needs to get checked. Theres alot of fish in the sea, dont be afraid of losing a psycho gf to gain a normal level-headed girl. Also, make a strict rule of "no glove, no love", the last thing you probably want is to have a kid with a girl like the one you described, unless of course shes a supermodel, then you could just put your kid in catalogs and on commercials and just sponge money off of his/her good looks. In summary, unless shes related to Adriana Lima, sever the relationship immediately.
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Jun 05, 06
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Yeah but sometimes your friends or family members might be wrong.
I'm really sick of hearing about how my bf is 'weird' because he doesn't really talk a lot at all to people he doesn't know. I get it, he doesn't want to engage in midnless smalltalk, but that doesn't mean he treats me bad. I think besides that point, it's really easy for someone to judge a relationship from what they see or what they think they see as a third party observer. Relationships really tend to show their true colours when it is just the two of you together, and nobody ever sees that. It's easy for our friends to judge a relationship because our friends are the first person we go to when we want to bitch about our relationships, they hear all the bad things which can make it easier for them to assume things are horrible. Don't forget that.
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Jun 05, 06
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There has been a lot of helpful advice to you in this thread that I would have suggested myself that I feel makes sense from personal experiences. Such as...
If you can't see yourself with her in the future it probably isn't worth it to continue. Don't tell your friends your problems. A lot of people (including myself) tend to exaggerate when they are upset/angry with someone they care about and some friends can and will have different views on different situations so bringing your personal issues to all of your friends can be bad a lot of the time and when you do make up they won't understand why and will probably dislike her. You have to be very careful who you discuss your problems with, if you can't work it out with her on your own then it can be okay to seek advice from friend but make sure it is someone you trust who shares similar views with you and is honest. I can't stress enough though, how important it is to try and work things out with the loved one involved first because that is VERY IMPORTANT! If you can't solve anything with her without going to a friend for help then you two will have even bigger problems down the road. Anyways follow your heart and try to address these issues with her as well and see how she feels and what she has to say. Good luck! EDIT: Myra made a VERY good point also about friends not seeing the whole naked truth of your relationship and how that can be difficult. When all they see is the outside and you coming to them with the problems, of course they won't get why you still love her and choose to stay with her. Last edited by brokencrayon; Jun 05, 06 at 09:56 AM.
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Jun 05, 06
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theres some great advice here
anyways heres an update i picked her up from the airport and we spent the whole day together. i accidently didn't bring my cell phone so i was pretty much unreachable. some friends tried to contact me but i had to explain later buddies are now curious to if theyre ever gonna see me again with this girl in town now. i said obviously but their dislike for my girl hinders the chances of me wanting to even attempt to bring her out to an awkward social setting with my friends. i got the gf settled at her friends place, and i'm really hoping that she makes an effort to find a job since she wasn't doing shit all at home in the states. she barely has any money of her own and only has a debit card her dad gave her for emergencies. on the other hand one of her friends who i think is the most useless and retarded hoe i've ever met (shes sweet and shes hot but doesn't do anything... pretty much drags people down with her to being completely useless) has come to town to see my gf... they apparantly got pretty close in 2nd semester but the way i've seen it, this useless hoe was the main cause for my gfs lowered grades. they'd stay up all night watching stupid movies and be all tired and useless for the rest of the day. god knows what the heck theyve been doing last night. i wanna head over to where theyre staying and make sure she gets up, dresses up smart and hands out some fuckin resumes! and i hope the retarded hoe understands how getting a job for my gf is a top priority. (torn)
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Jun 05, 06
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fuck dude.
why would you want to date such a fucking slacker piece of shit? People who have no ambition or drive to do anything are so completely repulsive its not even funny.People that leech off thier parents is even more repulsive. like i said...SUPERFICIAL RELATIONSHIP!
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Jun 05, 06
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that's what i said "gain knowlege from everyone you are with and it will help you down the road.. till you are ready to settle down.." the fact that he might not be able to see them together in the future has nothing to do with the relationship.. if he enjoys the time he spends with her and likes her.. then i dont see anything wrong with it.. we're young.. so have some fun Last edited by magic_hands; Jun 05, 06 at 10:52 AM.
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Jun 05, 06
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^^ That's not necessarily true at all.
There are a lot of people who have wealthy parents and are able to float through all of their schooling without having to worry about money. To judge them simply based on this is totally unfair. In fact, I'd say I'm honestly jealous of them. My life would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just say right now "OK Mom. I've had enough of working my fucking ass off, I'd really like to work on school for the next four years and not have to worry about work so I can do really well and end up being more successful." I have quite a few friends (from the states as well) that have never had a "real job". Some of them are RAs at their respective universities, but other than that, they focus on school. They're great people, they're smart, and they're going to do big things in the future. Now, as for mag-file's second post: Dude. Sit down with your friends. Tell them how you feel about this girl, and that you would really appreciate their support. Tell them that you understand their concerns, but that in order for you to maintain a healthy relationship with your girl and with them, they have to stop slagging her. Tell them that if they are REALLY your friends and they REALLY care about you they will respect your decision to try to make things work with her. The bottom line is that if they don't respect your choices, and they're not willing to be there for you through thick and thin, you need to find some new friends. Now, as for your gf's friend, you need to stop being a hypocrite. Don't talk shit about her. Think of how your gf would feel if she heard how you speak about her friend. In all honesty, if you think it's this girl's fault that your gf did poorly in school you're sadly mistaken. Remember, your gf is an adult and therefore is fully capable of making her own decisions. If she was foolish enough to choose to allow her grades to slip, she needs to take ownership and responsibility for it. You need to understand this. It's always easier to blame someone you don't care about, don't like, etc. but in this case it's definitely your gf's fault. If you and your gf expect your friends to give her a chance, you really should be willing to give your gf's friend a chance.
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Jun 05, 06
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Jun 05, 06
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Being in a relationship in which there seems to be no future is a huge effing waste of time. Then again, I don't know how old you are. I'm old enough that I don't have time to waste on someone who's not "the one".
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Jun 05, 06
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good point.. i dont plan on settling down for at least another 6-7 years..
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Jun 05, 06
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Jun 05, 06
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Book smart,life dumb. not a great combo.In any field,but especially anything to do with mental health or substance abuse.
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Jun 05, 06
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but it comes down to this. if my gf can't get her priorities straight because she chooses to goto the mall with her friend instead then i don't wanna have this girl as a gf. i'm really trying my best to motivate my gf to do something with the spare time she has this summer. i know i've been in her position before where i'd feel like a hopeless derilect, just sitting around at home during the summer broke off my fuckin ass. being employed, or going to class... just being occupied keeps a person on his or her feet. i've met my gf's other friends and we all got along great! but this particular one needs to go. i dunno maybe i'm just a snobby asshole. but i know my gf can do well since shes intelligent, beautiful and has a good heart. i really hope for the best for her. me and my friends have all worked hard in our lives and have made efforts to associate with people who work hard as well. my gf's recent laziness and senselessness though has put me in the doubt. anyhow now i'm just rambling i gotta head to work. thanks for the input tho it's much appreciated
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Jun 05, 06
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And I don't really think I need to point this out, but since you mentioned substance abuse, do you really think that rich kids don't go through this just as much as kids who aren't so well off? In my experience, kids with wealthy parents are a whole hell of a lot more likey to throw their parents' money around on drugs!
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Jun 05, 06
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when did this become an NA thread?
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Jun 05, 06
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raggawhore i appreciate your input as well but it seems like you're seeing things here way too black and white. i don't feel that what i have with my gf is purely superficial, nor that just because she hasn't had a proper job due to being at school all this time makes her all that life dumb. she's had to go through plenty in her life, having to move around from toronto to the states then to van for school, and having the make new friends in different places.... etc etc. shes also been an elected senate member for ubc which would say alot about her social skills.
otherwise moving on.... i'll have to continue this later.
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Jun 05, 06
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Ditch the Bitch, She's crazy.
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Jun 05, 06
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9 times out of 10 when there's a problem between the guy and the girl it's because the guy is oblivious to the girl's feelings and the girl takes it personally and goes nutso on him. I'm certain you can think of at least 3 examples of that off the top of your head.
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Jun 05, 06
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Jun 05, 06
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You aren't talking about me are you? =/
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Jun 05, 06
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You know its a hard situation
Your friends will ALWAYS be your friends, they should come first.. But a relationship is between YOU and HER.. People often get confused from friends and familys opinons.. but in the end it is you and her, if you love her.. then stay with her.
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Jun 06, 06
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I think 9 times out of 10 is a pretty big stretch unless you're talking in terms of your own relationships. Emotional retardation is still a brand of crazy, don't be fooled!
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