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Mar 22, 04
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lonely =(
Ever since my man left to go work at Club Med for a year, I find myself going in and out of these ridiculous stages of lonliness. Somedays I'll be fine, positive, knowing that it's for the best and everything will work out in the end; and then I have days like today and yesterday where I just wanna roll over and die. I don't want to eat, I can't sleep through the night, and even when I'm out with my friends I catch myself zoning out and sulking...
I know that part of this is because it's only been two weeks since he left, so I'm still adjusting, but part of it is just deep down helplessness. Anyone have any ideas of how to cope? Breaking up with him or ignoring my feelings are not options here. So far, I've been trying to keep myself busy with work, friends, and hobbies, but there are always times when I'm by myself and I feel so utterly alone, helpless, and I don't know what to do. ???? 
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Mar 22, 04
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you shouldnt need him like you are needing him now.
my dad has gone away on buisness before and my mom doesnt shut down. when my dad was in the hospital for 2 months, my mom was upset over the sickness, but she still didnt shut down. you cant tell me my parents are not "in love"... they are, and they dont fall apart when they are away from each other. my advice would be to think about youself right now, and how you shouldnt need people like that. go ahead and miss him, but this shouldnt affect your health. my brother is living on the other side of the country from his woman and will be for another 10 months.... but they are both continuing life lke normal. and you cant tell me they dont care\love\respect each other, they just realize that their own life should revolve around themselves and not other people. im gonna say it again, you shouldnt need your man to not feel lonely. the lonliest i felt was when i was surrounded by people who cared about me, but i just wasnt aware of myself. sorry to be harsh, but buck up. go ahead and be sad and miss him, but it shouldnt make you emotionally\physically shut down.
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Mar 22, 04
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^ kinda mean?
kinda reality. i mena put it this way, if she had just broke up with the guy we'd all b saying "life goes on, theres too many fish in the sea to worry about one.. blah blah blah" theres too much life to live to mope around. live up each day, its spring and its beautiful outside. spend more time by yourself. Last edited by mugsy; Mar 22, 04 at 07:18 AM.
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Mar 22, 04
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I don't think you can compare my situation to your parents' marriage. Two totally different scenarios! For one, your Mom CAN'T shut down because she has kids, and parents just can't shut down because they need to support their kids. When my Dad died, I'm sure my mom wanted to shut down because she felt so helpless, but she was forced to be strong and positive or else my brother and I would have fallen apart worse than we already had. It's like, automatically when you give birth, you gain this unimaginable strength for protecting your child(ren) with. It's all well and good to say "buck up, it's nice out" but the harsh reality of it is that it's not always that easy! I wish it were! I would loooooove to be one of those people who could just put it out of their head and be 'happy' but unfortunately, I'm not that type of person. I acknowledge my emotions fully, and try to deal with them the best I can. Thanks for your input, though.
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Mar 22, 04
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Listen Galaxie - I don't know you at all, but I do know how you feel and what you're going through. The good news is that this emptiness and nausea goes away. The bad news is that this is beginning of a hugely complicated situation that is going to require HUGE understanding, patience and OMFG: trust. As I said in your earlier post on this subject, I think it was a bad call to do this, but I know love is stubborn. I feel for you.
The only consolation I see for you is that if shit does hit the fan, you seem to have a lot of friends - and more broadly, a community - which will be happy to lend support.
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Mar 22, 04
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^ thanks =)
I'm sure that no shit is going to hit the fan. I just got off the phone with him, and he will probably be coming home to stay in June...so he will have been there for a total of 3 months. I can definitely deal with that! I know that I'm definitely putting my heart on the line here, but like I said in my other post, if I don't take risks then I'll never be happy. And he definitely makes me extremely happy and if risking my heart is what I have to do to be with him in the end, then that's exactly what I'm doing!
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Mar 22, 04
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write down how you feel. like, write lyrics or poems or something. make music. draw. or, if you are a sporty person, go do fun athletic stuff that will make you feel GOOD about yourself.
when i was in a long distance relationship, i had to focus on things that made ME happy. it was lonely, but i was happy knowing that i had someone out there who loved me and wanted me. honestly, focus on YOURSELF. cuz he's not coming back for awhile and moping will only make it worse. just go out and have fun. he;s probably going out and having fun.
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Mar 22, 04
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Mar 22, 04
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^ it was actually supposed to be a year, that's why I felt so shitty, helpless, etc...It was only today that he told me he's probably coming home in three months. I'm definitely secure enough to spend the time alone, be it a month or a year, my point in asking for advice in this situation was bascially how I should get over the 'hump' of adjusting. I know that once I adjust my emotions will calm down and I'll be fine.
three months is nothing, piece of cake, I could even deal with six. thanks peoples, I'm feeling tons better now!
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Mar 22, 04
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Yeah I duno... im just gonna wait for about a month or so and see how things turn out or how I feel before really think or make any seriouse disitions. Im actualy really enjoying myself quite well. It does hurt teribly deep down inside as I miss him like none other.
Nat ive seen you more in the past two weeks then the past 2 years!!! I know the feeling of missing them and thinking what it would be like if only they where home. This is tough but weve got some amzing freinds Nat and we can still have great good times and live our life:kimmie: Its ok to be up set and youll get your moods. Just do your best to be on the optimus side. Keep rememnding yourself of how happy you are for what hes doing. That way your not mad or sad, but really proud and happy for him which I know you are ;) Ive been on both sides of a long distance relationship and im actualy finding it much easyer to be the one at home. Time is going by so much faster for us :c-tard: And dont take this time for granted!!! Use this time to be independent. You dont have to break up with him, just live your life full. Make new goals to focus on. Things youve always wanted to do or do somthing for Graddy for when he comes back. I do agree with Meg with the part about needing someone. Its great Graddy means so much to you. But be carful about how its affecting your life. You still need to be you and live your lown ife with out him always by your side. Luv yeah Nat!
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Mar 22, 04
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i'm not going to read...biut eff you nat!
don't talk bout lonely! I'M EFFING LONELY! i dunoo...but you need to find happoiness alone before you can find it with someone else, so someone told me before...or else you'll just be relationship dependent, or cock hungry like me but either way, i feel your loneliness...but you're only 19, you've got many years of marriage and serious lovving to go....have fun while you're tits bounce and get your fuk on cause from 30 to 80, that's 50 years, you'll be tied to one cock! HARSH!
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Mar 22, 04
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^ well, if all goes well, I'll be tied to one since Nov 2003!
And Kel, I am happy with my own life! It's just that he was a huge part of my life, and still is, and it's really confusing emotionally to want to be able to hold and kiss and love someone but not be able to because they're half way around the world!
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Mar 22, 04
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Your putting yoruself in a very dangerouse spot if one person effects you that much. It's great that Graddy means so much and is so much of your life... But kell is right you need to live your own life BY YOUR SELF for once and be able to enjoy it.
Whats the longest youv been with out a relationship in the past 4-5 years  Your still young and growing... need to be able to live on your own with out being loanly for a chance. Ill give you some more time... but soon you have to be the ONE AND ONLY NAT! Last edited by Ree Fresh; Mar 22, 04 at 02:18 PM.
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Mar 22, 04
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again, i dont mean to be harsh, just be happy alone. be happy you have a caring boyfriend, be happy that you can survive without him. because you can.
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Mar 22, 04
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same thing... why didnt you want to eat?
see it doesnt make sense.... girl you shouldnt need anyone this much. dont get me wrong, i miss my significant other if i go days without seeing him, but i dont fret, it doesnt ruin my mood. alos i have been with him for more then a couple of months, a year and 3 months, how long has your relationship been? a couple of months is not a long time to become reliable on someone, andyways, i know hes not in another country like your situation... im just saying this shouldnt affect you as much as it is.... maybe im being too harsh... talk to rhia then... or someone else whos going through the same thing my best friend is in mexico right now, the guy who has seen me through alot, and who was the other end of the telephone for me. i miss him, but it doesnt eat me up inside. my best girlfriend constantly travels, and we are like sisters, we even look alike, when she leaves, im so proud of her and where she is goin, i dont miss her as much. my brother, who is my back bone when it comes to alot of my art, hes the one person in my family who supports my passion 110%, is on the other side of the country. hes no longer here to tell me wether or not i should add yellow, or if im in a rut. that sucks, but hes at NASCAD and i am so proud of him. when we found out that after my dad was just gettin over cancer my mom got cancer, my brother was nova scotia. my first reaction was that i needed him. then i realized that im a big girl, and i can handle my own problems, that life still proceeded. i felt like i should curl up and cry and not eat too, but i knew that was stupid. a very smart person pointed this out to me last year; all you need in life is you. this situation shouldnt over power your life. just remember youre not the only one with a loved one far away from you... Last edited by mugsy; Mar 22, 04 at 03:32 PM.
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Mar 22, 04
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Mar 22, 04
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Natalie, you're going to be alright girl! *hugs* think about how much he probably misses you too right now. Sounds like you two have a rare & special relationship, so just remember that he'll be back in your arms before you know it! He is probably feeling so many of the same things as you are at this very moment...SO don't feel lonely sweets, it will only get stronger!! :kimmie:
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Mar 23, 04
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some people lose their appetite some people work out like crazy some people lie around and do nothing some people cry some people get mad some people ignore their feelings ETC ....it all depends on the person, because everyone deals with everything differently. Once again, the entire point of my post has been lost! I was asking for suggestions on how to cope, and instead I got a handful if fucking lectures on what I should and shouldn't do and feel. No one has the right to tell me (or anyone else, for that matter) how to feel! However, I have to say thanks to those of you who did give me some constructive feedback - it's much appreciated. =)
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Mar 23, 04
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I'm in a committed, loving relationship, and you tell me to go get my "fuk on"? Not cool. You know for one that I would never even consider that, and two, that I wouldn't even find it the slightest bit humorous! This has been most definitely the last time I ever ask for relationship advice on fnk! Now I remember why I'm the one who usually gives the advice and doesn't ask for it!
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