How do I.....?

[kittah]

alright, so, I dont know what to do... My boyfriend hasnt been working since May, he seems to apply at one place and then he waits on hearing from them for 2-3 weeks, then goes out and applies at one place and does the same thing.... during this time I've had 5 jobs, and I finally found one that I like and make lots of scrilla at. However I dont start for a week, so Im kinda havin a mini vacation.
My problem is, I moved from Victoria to Nanaimo because my bf and i got robbed at gunpoint (dont worry, the dex are fine!!), and since then he's been really depressed. And as well as I think it bothers him that I can go out job hunting one day and come home at like noon with a job. However, I dont know how much longer I can take of him sitting on his ass and playing video games. I want a man that can either provide for me or be equal, pay half!! Im not made of money, I cant pay for everything!! Its gotten to the point where i have to lie about grocery shopping so that I know I have food/money for the next week, so he doesnt sit around, smoke pot and eat it all.
Im at the point where i want to kick his ass to the curb because I know that there are lots of men out there that I could date that have jobs and are equal in a relationship.
maybe i just need to vent? advice would be great.

thank ya for lettin me bitch!!

Jolene

[baby-phat]

Hrmn hun.. That sounds a lil bit like the sitch I went though with my ex, except he wasn't even really looking for a job. So I totally understand what you're feeling right now. It's very frustrating.
He should really be applying at more than one place at a time. It's damn near impossible to get a job that way.
I'm assuming you've already talked to him about this and let your feeling be known? If not, then do so asap. And if he's still dragging his heels maybe you might have to be more pushy about it. *shrug* Although that doesn't always work. Wish I could be of more help hun.

[Disco_Whore]

Tell him he should get out there and hand out atleast 20 resume's this week. I know it can be very hard to find a job here unless you REALLY try, and it doesn't sound like he's putting enough effort into it. If he doesn't even want to bother trying then it's probably best you give him a wake up call and move on.

[kittah]

I have done that a few times. he knows that Im fusterated with him. Its like if i dont wake up early with him, he just sits there and plays video games. i think tomorrow Im going to take him by the hand and make him apply everywhere, whether he wants to or not.
or even email his resume to places for him.
I dont know how long i can put up with this tho.

AHHHHH *pulls out hair*

thank you sooooooo much for the advice, muchly appreciated.

[baby-phat]

Actually, I was gonna mention you emailing his resumes for him. But if he's anything at all like my ex he'd get real pissed about it.
Hope things work out babe. :)

[kittah]

thanx hun, i appreciate your help, thank you!!

[baby-phat]

Yer welcome. Any time. :)

[mapleleaf4ever]

Originally Posted by kittah

I have done that a few times. he knows that Im fusterated with him. Its like if i dont wake up early with him, he just sits there and plays video games. i think tomorrow Im going to take him by the hand and make him apply everywhere, whether he wants to or not.
or even email his resume to places for him.
I dont know how long i can put up with this tho.

AHHHHH *pulls out hair*

thank you sooooooo much for the advice, muchly appreciated.

If you act like his Mother he'll not be too happy about it. If he's really that unmotivated, just say to him what you've said too us. Tell him he's got to shape up or you're going to ship out.

[Scarface]

I think you should spend less time on the internet , and more making him dinner and doing his sock laundry.

[hardstylin]

ditch the bum.

i have a buddy who is the same way, he plays this bullshit knee injury so he doesnt have to go out and get a job, he plays comp games all day long, and sell drugs while his GF works 5days a week cooks and cleans everything. He doesnt even know where anything in the kitchen is, he does nothing, and everyone tells his gf to ditch him but she doesnt listen.

[justa~gurl]

have you had a serious talk with him?

sit down and tell him straight out exactly how you feel... lay it all out on the line. Give him another chance to change, and let him know of the consiciences if he doesn't pull through... there is absolutely no reason why he couldn't and shouldn't hold down a job and pay his way

its totally not fair to you AT ALL!

if he doesn't change, then kick him to the curb cause he's taking advantage of you..

you got better things to do with your time then babysit ..

[Joanne]

I'm very biased towards this situation, seeing as my father is a pathetic dead-beat, and has not had a stable job in oh... let's say 22 years, while my mom works her ass off to support them both and 3 children, while my dad sits at home doing literally NOTHING all day. having a father like this, I know that I would never go out with a jobless bum, even remotely close to him.


buuut... trying to give an unbiased opinion, I think that after going through the traumatizing experience of being robbed, I can totally understand why one person may need a bit of a break. but there's a limit to everything. if his depression is really what's causing him to not want to work, then maybe he needs some type of counselling?

another thing is that, after not working for a period of time, it can be really hard to get your ass in gear, especially when you get in too comfortable of a situation (i.e, his gf is supporting him financially). maybe if he realized how much this is upsetting you, it might give him the extra boost to start working hard to find a job.

but if none of these work, I'd definitely kick him to the curb. after all, a true lazy-ass bum will probably never try to find work if he knows his financial supporter will never abandon him.





good luck!

[miss.myra]

Originally Posted by hardstylin

ditch the bum..

Having been in this situation for almost three years once, this is the best advice. Relationships mean that both parties give and take a little, it should not be unequal. I'll neeeeever do that again, I swear.

[~god~]

tell him you got fired.



...and then watch him run.

[fritz]

One thing to consider is the type of position your SO is looking for. Some career paths aren't as simple as applying at 20 retail/service industry jobs a day. It took me years of fumbling through unemployment and school to get my current job. I was always the 'poor boyfriend' that stayed at home playing video games. Looking back I would still do it the same way, I don't think those jobs would have 'built character' or however it's explained.

Questions to ask yourself:
In 5 years when they're rich and you're suddenly poor, will they support you like you do now?
Are there any proactive measures you can take to help them right now?
Is supporting them stifling your life in more ways than staying with them is improving it?

Questions to ask them:
Do you have a plan or are you just trying to stave off the future?
Are you actually qualified for the jobs you're applying at?
Do you understand if you dont explain your intentions I'll infer the worst and drop you?

[kittah]

Originally Posted by fritz

One thing to consider is the type of position your SO is looking for. Some career paths aren't as simple as applying at 20 retail/service industry jobs a day. It took me years of fumbling through unemployment and school to get my current job. I was always the 'poor boyfriend' that stayed at home playing video games. Looking back I would still do it the same way, I don't think those jobs would have 'built character' or however it's explained.

Questions to ask yourself:
In 5 years when they're rich and you're suddenly poor, will they support you like you do now?
Are there any proactive measures you can take to help them right now?
Is supporting them stifling your life in more ways than staying with them is improving it?

Questions to ask them:
Do you have a plan or are you just trying to stave off the future?
Are you actually qualified for the jobs you're applying at?
Do you understand if you dont explain your intentions I'll infer the worst and drop you?

I understand what you have to say, but however, you need a job to pay the rent. doesnt matter if you hate it or if its not your career choice. Personally, if I dont have a job or if I am wanting something more out of my job, I will go out and job hunt from 8am until evening if I have to, every day. And yes, I am qualified every where that I apply. sitting at home playing vids doesnt exactly tell me that he has motivation. Doesnt show that he has any motivation to find a career. I have talked to him about this, but he seems to understand at the time and promises that he'll go out early the next day, and wow, low and hehold, I'll wake up and he'll be playing video games and smoking my pot instead of getting ready to go out and make it his job to get a job.
but thank you for all the responses, thank you!!

[hardstylin]

Originally Posted by kittah

I understand what you have to say, but however, you need a job to pay the rent. doesnt matter if you hate it or if its not your career choice. Personally, if I dont have a job or if I am wanting something more out of my job, I will go out and job hunt from 8am until evening if I have to, every day. And yes, I am qualified every where that I apply. sitting at home playing vids doesnt exactly tell me that he has motivation. Doesnt show that he has any motivation to find a career. I have talked to him about this, but he seems to understand at the time and promises that he'll go out early the next day, and wow, low and hehold, I'll wake up and he'll be playing video games and smoking my pot instead of getting ready to go out and make it his job to get a job.
but thank you for all the responses, thank you!!

haha i need a gf like you.

no job, no bills, vid games, smokin ur pot WOW

[Chewy]

if i was in your situation and i had a girl that was doing that i probly would be able to handle it if they showed that they tried to find a job.. they should be out there every freakin day looking ... handing out hundreds of resumes... then going back 2 weeks later and hitting up the same places again... if my g/f sat around all day doing shit all and spending my money i would eventually freak out... i work hard off for my money so you better treat me right... is what i would say to them... then i would stops supporting them alltogether until they either found a job or left my place....

i cant stand moochers and lazy people who look for a freeride when ever they can...

you can go to hell...

[rawb]

waiting around for an employer is bullshit. he should be applying to at least 3 or 4 jobs a week. what are his skills? is he looking for a career or just anything?

it looks like he needs a mom, so either dump him or assume the role to get his ass in gear. i would say bitch at him for doing wasteful stuff like drinking/pot or anything else that can be considered 'entertainment' or 'special' until he starts bringing in money. if he cant find a job, have him volunteer somewhere to do a job he is interested in, so he can gain contacts and experience. time to find out if he has bad luck or is just a lazy fuck.

[Chewy]

Originally Posted by rawb

waiting around for an employer is bullshit. he should be applying to at least 3 or 4 jobs a week. what are his skills? is he looking for a career or just anything?

it looks like he needs a mom, so either dump him or assume the role to get his ass in gear. i would say bitch at him for doing wasteful stuff like drinking/pot or anything else that can be considered 'entertainment' or 'special' until he starts bringing in money. if he cant find a job, have him volunteer somewhere to do a job he is interested in, so he can gain contacts and experience. time to find out if he has bad luck or is just a lazy fuck.

he need to apply 3-4 times a day.....

[kittah]

he has told me that he wants to go to school for theater and doing sound for concerts... however he hasnt done any work in that career field since he was in high school (5 years ago). He has also taken the culinary course and has worked at a few restuarants, but now he tells me that he doesnt want to work with food. (hell, I'd be a dishpig at a restuarant, I like tips and cheaper food!!!). But in the past few years he's worked at RMH in Nanaimo , West in Victoria and Future Shop... so not really going into any kind of career path whatsoever. Kind of like he gave up? I dont really know but I wish I could understand?
Myself, however, am working at Money Mart in Nanaimo, and I hope that in the next few years to take the Pulp and Paper Mill Operator Course at Mala. My mom has told me that she will pay for everything if I move back to Powell River, as well as my dad would hook me up with a $20/hr job at the mill where he works. I just dont think I'm ready to move back to Powell River, I'd have to leave everything behind. At 23 I am not ready to take step, maybe at 25.
however i gotta go.

[rawb]

he's dead wood, end it.

[rawb]

quick, before he gets you pregnant and you have to go live in a trailer

[Chewy]

yea.. from what you have told us he sounds like a bum... how can you not work for 4 months??? i would probly go insane.. imsurprised you have put up with it for that long

[miss.myra]

I think it's easy to get pretty darn comfy when you have someone else working and paying all the bills and you can just sit on your ass and do nothing all day.

What have you said to him, if anything about all of this? Seriously, if he gives you an ounce of grief over it, then you should really reconsider your relationship because that is just plain selfish of him to count on you to keep everything together while he barely tries at all. It's understandable that those we are close to sometimes go through rough bits when they need us to help, but this is more crossing the line into taking advantage of your love for him.

sounds like he needs a wake up call, for real.