long distance relationships

[Courtney]

well.....I am just so over these things!
I'm not exactly in one...but i sort of am...emotionally...we can do whatever we want but with that emotion so prevalent it does impact your ability to let others in or even want to
I have been in more than one in my life
for those of you who are/ were in something like this
HOW did u do it

[baby-phat]

Something I discovered really quickly is that communication is very very important (it is in any relationship, but especially if you don't live near each other). :) And some things definitely don't communicate as well over the phone as they might via email/msn/etc.

[ebbomega]

I've found they have a breaking point - that point where you're just at the end of your line, and you either have to break up or move.

Where I've found these breaking points lie (I speak mostly through personal experience here, I've been in far too many of these damned things):
- imbalanced visitation - it's a real pain to spend every other weekend visiting your SO when they only visit you maybe once or twice a year
- lack of forseeable future - is there a plan to congregate to the same city? If not, the relationship can fizzle really fast. Especially if you've already spent a decent amount of time living in the same city and then split cities.
- filling in the personality gaps with fantasy - esp. if it's a new relationship, you still don't know that much about the person that you're with. So very often what happens is that a person will fill in "What I don't know about this person" with "What I hope is true about this person", regardless of how true it happens to be. When you later start to discover how erroneous your perception of this person is, it can start to put a damper on the relationship itself.

"'Long distance' is just a lie that freshmen tell each other so they can get laid the summer before college"
- Ted Mosby

ON THE OTHER HAND

That's not to say that they don't ever work. As Angel said, keep the lines of communication as open as possible, maintain balance of energies in the relationship, and HAVE A PLAN.

[Courtney]

^ thats so true and i'm a but worried about the filling in the blanks part
luckily in january ill be living in the city so theres a means to an end, whether than means we will be together or end what is going on - at least it will be something rather than the stage that we are at right now!

[ebbomega]

hope keeps love alive. cheesy but true.

[rawb]

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T RELATIONSHIPS UNLESS YOU COUNT DOING THINGS LIKE TALKING ON MSN AS "RELATING"

A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE PUTTING A TWO PEOPLE IN THE FREEZER, IF YOU DONT HAVE A PLAN TO THAW IT OUT EVENTUALLY YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET BURNED

l

[Courtney]

^hahaah thank you for putting it in those terms rawberto
always a man of wise words

[NinjaBoy]

Long distances relationships are one thing. But you've described yours as a "sort of relationship".

If that's the case, run. Run far far away.

[Courtney]

^ I would but im moving to his city in january (not because of him) so it doesnt make sense to cut all ties at this point, I really realy like him. I'm the one who decided we should "live our lives" I don't want to hold him back because who knows what will happen,I don't want to come in the way of experiences he might have right now because what if once I get there it doesn't work out for some reason and he has let another oppurtunity be lost?

[miss.myra]

never again, it's not for me.

i know a lot of people in LD relationships that are happy, and why wouldn't they be? They only see their s/o when they are on vacation! Things are far more relaxed and you don't get the stress of daily life coming into play, generally speaking.

In my personal experience, I waited a really long time for someone and when they finally moved out here it didn't end up working out in the end. I'm not bitter over the situation at all, but it's made me learn I really have to see how well my personality/goals/interests mesh with someone in person to really know if they are right for me. I know a lot of people have been in LD relationships that have been practically perfect and all, so I'm not saying it never works, just didn't work for me.

Right now, I can't even comprehend dating someone who lives outside of downtown, thinking about another area code or 1000's of KMs away would be impossible. I know that sounds shallow, but I can't help but be honest :P

[robyn]

january is like two months away how does this even qualify as a problem

[Pussy*Kat]

Just make sure hes not fucking your best friend before you move

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Courtney

^ I would but im moving to his city in january (not because of him) so it doesnt make sense to cut all ties at this point, I really realy like him. I'm the one who decided we should "live our lives" I don't want to hold him back because who knows what will happen,I don't want to come in the way of experiences he might have right now because what if once I get there it doesn't work out for some reason and he has let another oppurtunity be lost?

Life's too short to worry about everybody else's missed opportunities. You have your own to worry about.

If he decides to miss out on opportunities because of his commitment to you that's his prerogative. No point in beating yourself up over someone else's choice.

Worrying about things you can't control seems kinda silly.

[ppcock]

This dude I know had a long distance relationship with some chick he met online.
They talked for 4 years, no pictures sent or anything.. which is freakin crazy!
He asked her to marry him, so he went down to texas to tie the knot. she took one look at him (he was bigger and ugly) and dumped him.

The worst thing he could ever do.. was tell us that story when we were all EXTREMELY intoxicated.

[SEAN!]

Originally Posted by rawb

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS AREN'T RELATIONSHIPS UNLESS YOU COUNT DOING THINGS LIKE TALKING ON MSN AS "RELATING"

A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE PUTTING A TWO PEOPLE IN THE FREEZER, IF YOU DONT HAVE A PLAN TO THAW IT OUT EVENTUALLY YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET BURNED

l

werd son, unless you have solid plans of continuing the relationship in the same city sometime in the future, its probably not going to work out.

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by Pussy*Kat

Just make sure hes not fucking your best friend before you move

ahhhhhhhh i would flip!

[SEAN!]

Originally Posted by robyn

january is like two months away how does this even qualify as a problem

3 months and you gotta get the white out son!

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by robyn

january is like two months away how does this even qualify as a problem

two months is a loooooooooooooooong time

[miss.myra]

two months is a long time? are you serious? I hate to pull the 'it could be worse' card but I mean...

[ppcock]

Oh highschool, immature relationships.

They're so funny.

"I think he's the right one.. it's only taken me 2 months to figure that out.. I can't wait to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie.. she's the best actress in the world!"

[hardstylin]

cue galaxy

[ppcock]

I got hoes in different area codes?

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by miss.myra

two months is a long time? are you serious? I hate to pull the 'it could be worse' card but I mean...

hahah i know its not a long time!! buttt it seems like eternity right now

[Courtney]

Originally Posted by ppcock

Oh highschool, immature relationships.

They're so funny.

"I think he's the right one.. it's only taken me 2 months to figure that out.. I can't wait to see Lindsay Lohan's next movie.. she's the best actress in the world!"

You don't know me and I am anything but what your internet potrayal of me is. I am much more intelligent than what you think, have been much more in my life than you likely have and my relationships are anything but immature.
so...shutup..seriously

[ebbomega]

you should have more mature relationships like marty, wherein you fuck three different girls that aren't interested in you in a week and then whine about it on the internet.