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Dec 06, 04
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contradiction:
Lately I feel the most conflicting thing ever, and I figure it's going to be tough to feel content until I figure out exactly what I want/need right now.
Ever felt like you're kinda lonely and you'd like someone to be there, maybe that one special person. Or you just want your closest friends and the people that make you happiest to be around more. But at the same time you feel like you just want to be alone, you want space for yourself to figure things out and to make yourself happy. It's so weird to crave closeness but feel so easily suffocated by people. I don't think i'll really be at peace until I decide to go with one or the other. It also makes it really hard for me to get involved with people because a lot of people take my necessity for needing a lot space the wrong way. Can y'all relate? 
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Dec 06, 04
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I don't really feel like I need that one special person though, they'll come if it's meant to be. I'm not especially looking for that kinda deal right now really, if it happens it happens.
The most special person in my life right now is my best friend, and he's been living in Calgary since the summer. I'm pretty close with him, and it sucks that he's not closer by :/
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Dec 06, 04
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it sounds like you just need to find someone who respects the fact that you need your space, and understands it. its one thing to say,"ya, i know what you mean", but its another to be comfortable with it.
it sucks to have standards, but without them you would be settling and then your, well doing just that. settling when you could possibly have better. im not sure if im making sence, but i know what you mean with the lonliness bit. feling lonely blows.
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Dec 06, 04
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i hear yah myra.
and it can be a bit detrimental to relationships, at least thats what im finding. i have a wonderful specail someone, and i count my lucky stars that he is understandable of my current situations. and in so many ways he's the one person who i can count on myself for always wanting to have around. however i have some friends who dont seem to understand. i'll call them to talk\do something meaningful with, then im seclusive when we come into contact, and i dont talk, and will end whatever we are doing early. and its not that i expect them to fully understand, but sometimes i just need more than i can say. its awful and selfish, but at some point i believe everyone feels like it. whats been helping me personaly, is expresing myself. but im really not that good at it, and it usually takes the other person squeezing it out of me. but then i feel loads better and am happy with either situation. i've found that my closest people do this in one way or another, and i thank all of them dearly for it. what im boiling down to is, i understand in some tiny way, but i dont think i can offer help\advice or even a full "i understand\comprehend the situation" but i can definately relate. Last edited by mugsy; Dec 06, 04 at 10:01 PM.
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Dec 06, 04
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Contradicting yourself is the only way you'll ever be able to make the right decision.
Being a very very independent person, while also being a person who needs undying love and affection from people... is the worst combination ever. I hate it when I hook up with someone and they treat me like I don't exist for a week after... though that moment was amazing and meant the world to me, and it's also nice to have a little space... but I can't deal with not having that person there, especially after something really special happend. I want more. I then want to be with them for the majority of my time... however, I don't want a relationship. BUT I DO. BUT I DON'T. BUT I DO. UGH. I wish there was a way to just cuddle with someone, keeping an understanding of respect among both of you that you're going to remain faithful on a certain level... while not having to jump head first into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Over time if it happens, that's amazing. I guess you just have to do both extremes in order to figure out what the hell you want inside. <3
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Dec 06, 04
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I kinda feel the same way... it's annoying. Stupid Brain! MAKE UP YOUR MIND! :(
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Dec 06, 04
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i go through phases of being very social to being very anti-social.......and phases of being content and satisfied with life and then to being very confused and axiuos about my life....im not bipolar.... its weird... and its normal
everyone wants that person with that amazing emotional and physical connection..... but thats rare... i find everythings all good if u jus relaxx.... dont kill yourself with your mind...
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Dec 06, 04
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Quote:
For me, it is a situation where I would love to have someone to relate to/talk to/cuddle with/have kinky sex with, yet I don't want what often comes with all that. What often comes is a sense of obligation, almost guilt. Like I feel if i don't keep up with the mudane ins and outs of a relationship it will dissolve before it even starts. Then again, it could be my fault in the sense that I tend not to make time for anyone. (ie: if you fit into my itinarary you will be included, if not, your loss) It's kind of self centered i guess. I hate to blame it on an ex, but I'm going to. I went to extreme measures to spend time with this girl and in the end, even when i knew it wasn't working out, i felt i was losing so much through the sheer amount of thought and time that went into it. Secondly, not many people understand my commitment to my education. It comes before all else, yes EVEN GIRLS. I guess I have developed this scewed view that the person I will be with will be an easy fit. But in reality I know that you get out of something what you put into it. In conclusion...there is no solution. Last edited by Bobby_T; Dec 06, 04 at 11:38 PM.
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Dec 06, 04
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I'm one of those extremely lucky people that has found someone who understands my independence, and also understands that I need his undying love and affection. I don't know how the fuck he understands, but he does, and it alllllllways baffles me. I guess he probably understands because he's very, very similar in that there are some things that are HIS things, that HE does, and there are some things that are OUR things, that WE do. It's fucking rad! Myra, all I can say is that you seem to understand your situation well. You KNOW that some day it will just "fit", and in the meantime it's a chance for you to develop yourself, decide the type of person you want to be with, and test the waters with possible partners. If someone cares about you, they will fit you into their schedule, the same way that if you care, you will fit them into yours. For example, right now I am working two jobs that equal 60-65 hours per week, yet my boyfriend and I manage to see each other five days per week, because that is what the two of us need, as so we prioritize, work around each others' schedules, and even if it means only hanging out for an hour and then going to bed, it's still worth it because we spent SOME time together. Anyhow...I don't know exactly where I was going with that, I think my point was that no matter how busy you are, and how busy the guy is, if it's really REAL then you will both make time for each other because you won't see any other option. <3
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Dec 06, 04
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Yeah I know exactly how you feel myra...
I'm such an independent person that it affects my relationships with people..So many times I've been in situations where I really like a guy but I couldn't handle how close they wanted to be alll the time it freaks me out, as soon as something gets to serious I start to feel really trapped and run away..but at the same time I really want a serious thing sometimes...especially lately I feel like more than cuddling!!! I alwasy think I'm open for new thing but evvverytime I freak..I dont know what my deal is! i'm f'd up.
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Dec 06, 04
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Yes. This is definitely a big part of it for me, and it usually come with the people that I've known for years and years- the people that should know me the best. and the only really really close friend of mine this doesn't happen with is living far away right now. Makes it kinda hard! We could even hang out and not talk at all and it's not weird or anything because I think there's a really good understanding there. I feel that with true friends, or really good relationships period so very much could be said without saying anything at all. It's weird cos I'll be out with people and people just ask me all the time what's wrong because I'm not talking a lot or just kind of staring off into space. I wish they'd believe me when I say 'nothing' because it usually really is nothing. Because I don't think these feelings have much to do with the whole "relationship" deal, specifically. I think it has a lot do to with just my relationships with all people. Oh, and your line about needing more than you can say hit me bigtime Meghan, that is me to a T. It seems selfish, but I'm usually way too proud of stubborn to ever really reach out to people when I need them the most. I've been friends with some people since I was like 12 and they've never seen me cry, they just think it doesn't happen haha. your words mean so very much mugsy <3
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Dec 07, 04
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wow myra we have the same mind set..like bang on.
currently i dont "need" anyone in my life right now, but if he happens to come by in my life then ill adapt to fit him in. but then again i kinda wish that he wont come by cuz i dont really want a man...but YET i feel lonely and living a big lie that dont want a bf...cuz i do..kinda. im super thankful i have awesome friends who stick by me right now (i hope they dont go... they're SO awesome). i think im craving for more of a bestfriend than a boyfriend. i duno then again it depends what kind of boy it is.. i can't stand the "call every hour to see how ure doing" kind of bfs... no thanks. i want space, but yet i want to cuddle.. kinda hard to fulfill. kinda typical of me... im the type of girl that gets in a relationship..then panicks. dumbass me. this is when you ure thinkin too much.. what if u WANT a bf? take ure bow and arrows out and start hunting?.... ya right. even if you want one u can't have one right away... if he somehow comes drifting by then he drifts by. out of your own control.
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Dec 07, 04
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The trouble with being human is we desire companionship; we're a very social animal. Unfortunately, there's a tendancy in modern society to be fiercely independant at the same time, to find your niche in the world and cling to it (preferably through corporate sponsership, if Madison Avenue would have its way).
So, which do we choose? The independance we are told to have (re: don't become the herd), or our basic instinct to seek out companionship? I suppose finding a combination of both is the preferred route but it seems we are becoming more and more tightly focused in our personal tastes that they've become comfort zones. There's a realization dawning upon us in our young adult lives that, if we are to become involved with someone, we are going to have to give up some of that which we cling to in order to define ourselves. I almost wonder if this is a by-product of modern living, with all these outside influences guiding us into who we will become as a person. I can't imagine country bumpkins a hundred years ago had the same problems of indecision we face. If you're lucky, you may come across someone with very similar interests; indeed a near spitting image of yourself. Chances of it happening are rare, though, especially for fringe cultures like this one (heck, even ravers can't agree on the same things anymore, divided by the music of their choice). But, hey. It is a big planet.
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Dec 07, 04
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Dec 07, 04
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Yeah totally, but I think 99.9% of the time my barrier is caused by my own pride/stubborness. (I'm suuuch a Taurus, really.)
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Dec 07, 04
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haha i cant relate, i got my shit on lock down, i get bored if im not around my friends, alone time for me is work and sleep. plus theres always someone calling me to do something so shit just falls into my lap :)
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