Jan 27, 05
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To me marriage is the escence of a strong family, something that my children will take as seriously as I. There is no such thing as divorce, when you commit, you commit yourself to your children, not just a relationship between two people. This is my interpretation of the word marriage and I'm no bible thumper, but I know good rules when I see them. Like one of my best rules of thumb....
When you see a dog skidding his ass on the floor, although he may appear to enjoy it, don't give him anymore treats. PS....galaxie, take your hand out of the cookie jar;P HAhahaLOLOlOl*~ That's name-calling, not to be taken seriously, but if you have imagination, natalie skidding along the carpet is gold;P Last edited by lou_belle; Jan 27, 05 at 02:38 PM. 
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Jan 27, 05
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While you are focussing on the whole WORD issue, I am trying to explain that a new word will NOT make people happy, because the REAL ISSUE is that most of the people who do not want same-sex marriages legalized are against homosexuality as a whole. And for the record, I did not call YOU and ignorant redneck: Quote:
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Last edited by galaxie; Jan 27, 05 at 04:03 PM.
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Jan 27, 05
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Children resort to name-calling when they don't have a better rebuttal.
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Jan 27, 05
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Jan 27, 05
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Jan 27, 05
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When your husband beats you, you obviously married the wrong guy? Perhaps if he wasn't already beating you prior to you having children with him you are doing something wrong. Like maybe you aren't communicating in a productive manner, he could be suffering from jealousy, or maybe he doesn't know how to deal with being a father, most likely he's sexualy deprived. I honestly know for a fact that in a healthy relationship partners can talk openly about their sexual needs and desires, so cheating on me is absolutely impossible because I don't believe in sexual supression based solely on jealousy. In an aggressive relationship, if you're not the culprit, you take it upon yourself no matter how impossible it seems to raise these children in a manner where you offer only the rewarding parts of parenthood to your husband. I wouldn't allow his misguidance to oversee the role of my being a mother. Whatever, one more child, only a big huge one. Nowadays, people start having marital issues, they go to a counsellor and listen to them tell them you need to leave him, he's not treating you right. If you go to a counsellor without the idea set in your mind to fix your relationship then you basically are asking for support in break-ups, not counselling. I personally would stay with my husband, tell him to see other women and opt to stay together as a family if it was getting really bad. Personally, if I had children with this man, I have very strong ties to him and my children that could never be broken by indifference. That doesn't mean you get a divorce and leave your children to be beaten if he has a rage problem. A mother that leaves her young in the hands of an unstable man is a failure as a mother. You reep what you sew, and as far as I can see, in this world you have to be tough and more importantly as a woman you have to know that you are the basis of your family strength. Some men or woman may tend to wander to different houses when things get bad and as a dedicated parent, you should stay at home with your children no matter how sexually deprived or emotionally detached you become, you still gave birth to a new generation, and if your husband isn't taking responsability then it's ALL in YOUR hands. I think people that divorce when their children are young are foolish and irresponsible and yet they just can't see it. Their lives revolve around their wants and needs, in essence they are still children. But in many souls there is a breaking point, and that is innevitable if they don't have the proper guidance, motivational encouragement and praise coming from someone like me;P too bad I won't be a counsellor, just a full-time mommy:)
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Jan 27, 05
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^That little fantasy land you live in sounds so great!
But I must say, you sound like an idoit. So you're telling me if you ever have kids and your daughter ever comes home w/ a black eye you'll just say "You're just not trying hard enough!" It's ok your husband beats you infront of the kids. As long as you stay together. Did you ever think that you may be doing more damage to your children by staying in a dysfunctional relationship?
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Jan 27, 05
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I wouldn't marry a man that beat me, I know the type. A man that is trustworthy reliable and sensitive to my feelings would be a candidate. Many people have anger issues created by their marriages. It takes two to get the shit flying. And I believe that if you were dedicated to your children, you have to be dedicated to your man as well. If he's feeling frustrated then talk to him, refrain from yelling. Yelling will only drive a person already filled with emotional influx to overflow with opressed anger. Ugh, I can't stand yelling. Violence is like built up sadness. It builds up, and if your partner is becoming angry it most likely has something to do with the way you interact, or perhaps the condition of your household. Having a made bed before you go to sleep every night can make a big difference. In all seriousness though, I'm a gem that deserves the best of the best and that's what I got. My family is going to rock and there's no two ways about it!
As for my kid coming home from school with a black eye? I think you meant going to school with a black eye from his dad? I would charge him with child abuse, be soooooo freaking shocked and he would never do it again, trust in me. Once it blew over, cuz it's not good to bring up recent fights that people still get worked up over, he would open up his packed lunch, and find a sandwich with sand in it. I would have a note that read "Everyday that you find yourself hungry, is a day when YOU will remember the memories that our family will have forever. This day is your sacred suffering, something I'm sure our child has gone to bed thinking about many nights with an unsettled stomach. I'm not mad at you, and this is just my way of bringing up the past that maybe you had forgotten:) And maybe you can bring him out to play baseball today, after you come home to have lunch with us" Your LOVer. I wouldn't mention the sandwich ever in person, it would be something that "I didn't know about" PS It is soooooooooooo ridiculous to even think about my hubby hitting our baby!!! [email protected]
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Jan 27, 05
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lou_belle,you are the most idiotic,repulsive slag I have ever had the displeasure of watching the bile spew forth from your finger tips.
have you been married? no. with that said you havent gone to marital counselling then have you? no. now with that said,that whole blurb about marital counselling,and abuse is all just based on assumption not fact. Abusive men are wolf in sheeps clothing idiot. I think until you actually know what you are talking about,just shut the fuck up and do us all a favor. please?!:(
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Jan 28, 05
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i still find it confusing that when we try to protect the rights of homosexuals we are being open minded, but when we try to protect the rights of christians we are being bigoted.
once again the whole argument comes to mind... yes i think homosexuality is wrong. will it stop me from being friends with a gay person. absolutly not. i'm not the judge. i'm still friends with some wonderful gay/bi people, and the fact that i disagree with their life style choices does not mean i'll stop being friends with them. you people talk like you can't have friends with opposing political views from yourself, or different religion. i have friend from all walks of life. but the point is that if their rights to live without being offended also apply to myself. if the church and state are to be seperate then why does the state use terms that are derived from religious backing. marriage was not a state institution first, religious instintution second. it was the other way around. if the state version is not so holy anymore, it is still derived from religious backing, and has the undertone that the religious equivalent has. to change the term to include a form of union that clearly contradicts the religious roots of the term is offencive. you want to seperate chruch and state, and you're so pro change, then change the state terms that are derived from religious background. on that note just like to say to all you church haters: God still loves you all, even if He really dislikes what you do... take the example.
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Jan 28, 05
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the difference is there isn't a choice when it comes to being gay i know i sure as hell didnt choose my orientation therefore it's not a 'lifestyle choice' If you think about it, if homosexuality is a choice, who would choose it? Who would choose to submit themselves to all the prejudice there is today? Being gay is not easy and certainly not a life that most would find desirable. Another way to look at it is 'When do heterosexuals choose their sexual orientation'? obviously they do not, these preferances naturally occur. Last edited by justin; Jan 28, 05 at 03:35 AM.
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Jan 28, 05
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^ agreed.
lou_belle: You have clearly never been in an abusive relationship. I have. And let me tell you, it is NOTHING like you have described. I had an ex-boyfriend who, at the beginning, was amazing. Kind, loving, outgoing, etc. - everything I wanted. Just over a year into our relationship, he became jealous - I was not allowed to see my friends, especially my best friend since he is male. At first, I tried to make things work, compromise with him, but the more I compromised the more control he wanted, and the more he gained. Eventually, I became sick of being a housewife at the age of 18, and tried to take more control of the relationship, and again, try to discuss our problems. Every time I tried to talk about how I felt, he would get angry, and his anger slowly turned into rage. One time we were having a heated argument, and he shoved me. I was a fucking sucker and accepted his apology. It happened again and again for the next 5-6 months until I finally had enough and sent him packing. If he were my husband, I would have done the same. If we had children, I would STILL have done the same, only I would have had ties to him so I would have pressed charges, forcing him to counselling if he ever wanted to see the kids again. Physical abuse makes you feel worthless, like a fucking piece of shit. I am a strong, opinionated, independent woman, and yet some guy brought me down to the level of feeling like nothing. I hope with all my heart that you are lucky enough to have this picture perfect marriage you speak of, and that you never, ever, ever have to feel the way I did because NO ONE deserves that. I give tons of respect and props to single moms who leave their abusive/drug addict/etc. husbands and take on the responsibility of raising their children. My mom did, and she is the most amazing, inspiring, strong-willed woman I have ever met. She is the definition of a fighter. So, next time, before you tell women to stay in abusive relationships, think of all the pain and suffering they will go through. Think of the nights of fear, not only for themselves for their children; think of how embarassing it would be to go to work, the store, to pick your kids up from school, etc. with bruises all over your face/body; think of how your children will grow up - thinking violence is OK. I could go on and on, but I think you catch my drift. Communication and/or counselling doesn't solve everything, and in the case of physical abuse, it rarely solves anything. Some people are predisposed to being violent.
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Jan 28, 05
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Let's get rid of the word 'god' in the national anthem, too.
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Jan 28, 05
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1. I have $10 on the fact that lou belle is probably a victim waiting to happen. It usually happens to the women that swore they knew better. Hint, when you think you know everything about everything, it usually comes to kick you in the ass. I'm super happy you've progressed leaps and bounds from the drugged up raver you were in the days of yore and really GOOD FOR YOU! But there's nothing wrong with humility. You've never been married or raised a family. Everything you say is so completley obvious, don't you THINK that people don't think that way too? Then why the fuck is domestic violence still so prevalent? Seriously, go live life a little before you talk that way.
2. Keep in mind that Canada and the United States WERE founded on religious grounds, that the idea of a secular society is just an ideal (although both socities have spent the last couple hundred years progressing towards that) but the fundamental values in both socities are that people have freedom to believe what they want, and do what they want (within reason). I suppose some people can disagree with it, but they also can't condemn homosexuals from doing what they want. If you want to use religion as your backup, then go right ahead, but remember your religion also preaches TOLERANCE of people as well.
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Jan 28, 05
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I'm engaged to be married. And we were talking about my beliefs of marriage, how I would NEVER get a divorce, no matter what. If my husband has an addiction, I'll help him through it, if my man became abusive, I would deal with it. But this is all based on my man really? I mean, I can't speak for everyone:)
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Jan 28, 05
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I know the signs of a person that's abusive, my dad was abusive and the reasons for me feeling so strongly about staying in a relationship are because of the split up family that I have. We stayed with my dad. Obviously a single woman can't raise three children alone. Take the easy way out, leave. Yeah. I remember watching my dad be the biggest freak ever, if we were with our mom, he would come to wherever we were and start running around the house trying to ajar every single window like a fucking tiger. Like something was seriously fucked up inside his head. But I know the fights they had were for stupid reasons. Reasons that when they talked to each other, no matter what they would start fighting. It's from both sides. My mom just got tired of having to explain herself. She couldn't go out and party with anyone because my dad didn't want to......duh. You've got three kids. My dad is getting home from work and the house is a mess, my biggest sister is at school and the two and three years olds are playing in a huge mud pit down the street. I mean, get your depression under control and be a fucking mom. So what if you get yelled at every day. You aren't doing your job. He's getting frustrated and she's getting frustrated, and now she just bad mouths my dad when he did all the real work. My dad learned his lesson after she left, had a few girlfriends that my sisters rejected. But my mom never came back to save the day, she could have, but she didn't. She was a new woman, starting a new family, that would fail like the first. Galaxie, it's lucky you didn't marry that guy. At least your smart enough to not get pregnant either. But if you had married him and had children, and then left him, you would have made some pretty massive mistakes in your life that I hope you would acknowledge to your children. It is a little harsh to say that no one should leave anyone, but if you do, you can't blame it solely on them. My mom got pregnant at 16 and married my dad at 17 because her family said it was the right thing to do. Damn right it was the right thing to do. You reep what you sew, and then you work hard for the rest of your life because you have children. And when you have children, their lives become yours!
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Jan 28, 05
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Jan 28, 05
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Most people who are that addicted will die addicts.
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Jan 28, 05
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I've lived many lives before this one, and in this life I'm a gonna do it right.
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Jan 28, 05
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My mom rasied my brother and I better than she could have with ANY man. If I got pregnant today, and decided to keep the baby, no fucking way would I marry my boyfriend just because of the child. If some day he decided he didn't want to be the child's dad (any guy can be a father), I'd tell him to fuck right off and do it all on my own. I know PLENTY of amazing, well-rounded, successful people who have grown up in single parent homes. I also know a lot of really fucked up people and they have their parents' unhealthy relationships to thank for that. I would MUCH rather teach my children that it is NOT OK to put up with abuse and violence than to teach them it's OK as long as the family still lives under the same roof. If I had married that guy, that would have been my only mistake. But say he was this great guy, never showed any signs of abuse, anger, etc. and then after a few years of marriage became abusive, etc.. How is that MY fault? It's not. It's his. And it would be stupid and naive of me to stay with him - if you're talking about ALWAYS doing what is best for the children, leaving his sorry ass would be best. Guaranteed. Like someone already said, if he hurts me, he'll hurt the kids, and not a CHANCE anyone will ever hurt my children. I really, really hope your "plan" works out for you because I'd HATE to see how fucked up your life (and your kids' lives) would be if your guy ends up being abusive, or a cheater.
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