Taking his last name

[djmarkpaul]

Oh you could always make up your own last name, but that should only be done if you are both on the run aka have a Capulet/Montague dilemma.

[Kelster]

I'm going to take his last name for sure, and keep mine as well (Kelly E H Croy).

it's a pride thing and i can't wait to become part of his family, and it's going to be so rad when people see my name Kelly Croy and they'll all be like who's the Irish dude and then i'll come popping up like 'haro i'm kelly croy' and then they'd be like 'fuck no, i thought you were a white dude'and then i'd be like 'no sir i'm kelly and i'm here to do your electrical work'

i can't wait!!!!

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Vitamin-X

Some good points, but words still hold power.

They may have power, but if you're getting into power issues before you're even married good luck with the marriage.

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by djmarkpaul

What to add...another Shakespear quote:

"A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet"

....and to that I agree, but I wouldn't want to chance smelling a flower called ass.

Names/words do hold power, you don't have to believe in numerology to understand that.

If you ask me, whoever the bread bringer is, that name should hold credence, traditionally it's the male, so that's how I see it is as respect towards tradition. In the case of ownership, any debate on this matter means both parties are guilty. This is an ego issue, but I would be guilty of it myself, as I think a good wife should stand by her man.

If it's a matter to debate, maybe you should pick the last name that rhymes the least, your kid(s) will thank you later.

Eh, Your bread-bringer argument is still a bit flawed, because there does still exist monetary imbalance in the workplace... women do still make less than men. Not to mention, since when is breadwinning everything to do with family? Yeah, the family's gotta eat but what if Mom's too busy cooking the kids' meals at home to get anywhere near a decent living? Is Mom's name all of a sudden cast aside simply because she chose to be a homemaker because she doesn't like the idea of someone else raising her kids? Still doesn't fly with me.

[hardstylin]

Originally Posted by tiedye

Then we have more than one kid. I want the Green name to carry on. It's my duty to my forefathers.

im adopted and my real dad is a waste of skin.

forefathersshmorefathers :)

[ebbomega]

I think the main reason I'm being so antagonistic in this thread is because it's really a matter of situation, and until you're in the position where you're getting married and you and your partner have had a discussion about it (Hey Kelly!) you can say all you want and it won't make much of a licking difference.... What are you people going to do? Say "Sorry future wife, I love you and every aspect of you and I want to share my whole life with you, except that you don't want my last name so it's over"? Doesn't strike you as kind of shallow or self-deluding?

I think my point is: Don't close any doors that you don't need to when it comes to sharing your life with someone else. We already need to be picky about a person in order to be happy with them forever, throwing trivial issues like this just hurts all those involved.

"Words have power", a few people have already agreed on this, and I'll just reiterate that a relationship is not about power, and if it is maybe you should rethink this whole marriage idea.

[Grapes]

Ideas have power, words are just vessels for transporting them.

[Grapes]

Actually, in that sense words do "have" power because they contain it. Ideas "are" power.

[PwInCeSs]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

I think my point is: Don't close any doors that you don't need to when it comes to sharing your life with someone else.

I agree, its one thing to say what you would do IF you were in the position, and a completely different thing when you are at that place in life.

i for one use to think that i would always keep my lastname, but it all changed.

[LLaaUUrrYYn]

Im just going to make up my own name!!

[Cool-Water]

hm. i should give my kid the last name hardcore... then all the little kids in elemrtry will call him mr hardcore. thatd be dope!

[Lush]

I'm going to take his last name - if my last name was from my mothers side of the family I'd consider hyphenating but it's not so I'd like to change it.

Plus when we get sappy and discuss baby names (a long ways away but still makes me gush) he's agreed to let the first name be Iranian.

[galaxie]

^ I'm all about Iranian middle names. I looooooooove my man's middle name, it's awesome. I think it'd be a little much if we gave our kids Iranian names b/c I want them to feel connected to their heritage without being outcasted for having "weird" names.

[ebbomega]

Originally Posted by Lush

I'm going to take his last name - if my last name was from my mothers side of the family I'd consider hyphenating but it's not so I'd like to change it.

Plus when we get sappy and discuss baby names (a long ways away but still makes me gush) he's agreed to let the first name be Iranian.

Anything unique turns into bully fodder on the playground.

By the time they're old enough to appreciate what a cool name they have they've already resented it their whole lives and will still dislike it.

There's a reason I generally go by "Dave"

[Lush]

^
I resent that, I've grown up with a unique name and although I was made fun of growing up I've grown to appreciate it immensely.

In fact my first name is Dominique and my middle name is Shadi but i've chosen to go by Shadi my entire life because it connects me to my heritage and I like the fact that there aren't several other 'Shadi's' out there.

Plus I wouldn't name my child some crazy Persian name like Shagayegh (good luck pronouncing that one) I was thinking something more along the lines of Kimia (which means rare) or Aideen (which is similar to Aiden).

[prozac]

Originally Posted by ebbomega

Anything unique turns into bully fodder on the playground.

By the time they're old enough to appreciate what a cool name they have they've already resented it their whole lives and will still dislike it.

There's a reason I generally go by "Dave"

Wait, Dave's not actually your name? spill it! (so curious)

[mekim]

Originally Posted by Lush

^
I resent that, I've grown up with a unique name and although I was made fun of growing up I've grown to appreciate it immensely.

In fact my first name is Dominique and my middle name is Shadi but i've chosen to go by Shadi my entire life because it connects me to my heritage and I like the fact that there aren't several other 'Shadi's' out there.

Plus I wouldn't name my child some crazy Persian name like Shagayegh (good luck pronouncing that one) I was thinking something more along the lines of Kimia (which means rare) or Aideen (which is similar to Aiden).

so you're going to go with a name that's not exactly all that crazy, thus saving your children the torture of having a name that's playground fodder.

[Lush]

^ No not exactly - I'm just going for something that still sounds aesthetically pleasing.
Plus I want the pronunciation to be relatively straight forward.

I grew up hearing 'Shadi Shadi sitting on the potty' but I look back and laugh and at the time whenever kids would say that i'd make them miserable.

[veN]

Originally Posted by Lush

^
I resent that, I've grown up with a unique name and although I was made fun of growing up I've grown to appreciate it immensely.

In fact my first name is Dominique and my middle name is Shadi but i've chosen to go by Shadi my entire life because it connects me to my heritage and I like the fact that there aren't several other 'Shadi's' out there.

Amen!

You think I had it easy being named Nevada? To complicate matters futher, my last name is Jones, beckoning all kinds of Indiana Jones refs. I think that having a unique name is something you can either eschew, or embrace. I think I've really grown into the name I was given, and that it suits my personality. I wouldn't dream of being called anything else!

[Cool-Water]

you could do rock paper siscors to see which last name is chosen

[galaxie]

Originally Posted by Nev

Amen!

You think I had it easy being named Nevada? To complicate matters futher, my last name is Jones, beckoning all kinds of Indiana Jones refs. I think that having a unique name is something you can either eschew, or embrace. I think I've really grown into the name I was given, and that it suits my personality. I wouldn't dream of being called anything else!

There are a hell of a lot of Iranian names that sound absolutely horrible. I'm all for unique names, just ones that the kid will be able to pronounce and spell, and can't be made fun of too easily for.
Shadi, your names are Iranian but they're not tooooooo Iranian, you know what I mean? Like, if you named your daughter Kimia she'd get "Oh wow, that's a pretty name. What's the origin?" not "What? Say that again? How do you spell that?"

PS - I would rather have had incessant Indiana Jones references than "Nat is fat she looks like a rat". Gawd what DOESN'T my name rhyme with!? :P

[veN]

Originally Posted by galaxie

PS - I would rather have had incessant Indiana Jones references than "Nat is fat she looks like a rat". Gawd what DOESN'T my name rhyme with!? :P

Clearly, no one wins. Heh.

[mekim]

oblig. simpsons reference.

Originally Posted by Homer

Bart, Cart, Dart, Eart... Nope, can't see any problem with that!

[mugsy]

im lucky cause my dad made my middle name Ru-Ann so i get to keep that always with me. i got a big brother too, im sure he'll pump out some kids at some point and pass on the name. even so, just cause you give up your last name doesnt mean your family history goes with it.
anyways, if\when i ever get married, things could be different, views might change, laws might change, who knows. plus i just dont think my family history is wrapped around my last name - i know my moms family history just as much as my dads and she took his name.

[thechix0r]

Originally Posted by galaxie

^ I know :) I just wanted to point out that sometimes a whole lot of love can happen in a short amount of time. It doesn't mean we're going to run off and get married next week, or even next year, but the fact that we know we're going to get married at some point means that we should be discussing topics like this!

agreed, it's not only time that factors into the amount of love you have for a person... sometimes it's just right, and you know it with every bone in your body. I think it's smart to discuss it and solidify it before you are actually engaged